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Oct. 3rd, 2015

Plan B & Plan C

I know I wrote an earlier post about where I was going late next year, however, due to circumstances beyond my control(WV cut all services down to the bare minimum and then some and I don't want to wait 3-5 years for state insurance for those with disabilities and affordable housing); I'm now going to go to either Plan B or Plan C late next year; it depends on which one opens up first.

Plan B is to move to Salt Lake City, Utah. I have a cousin who lives in Salt Lake City and is willing to help me get settled in. I visited there in July 2013 for a SABE meeting and fell in love with the city right away. They have a wonderful light rail system and it is very easy to navigate the city as it is on a grid system. I also like the climate and the people are very friendly. Plan C is to move to the Phoenix metro area. Phoenix was my original Plan B, however, after a series of laws were recently passed that significantly curtailed affordable housing opportunities, Phoenix got relegated to Plan C status.

I've made inquiries on both areas and each one has different guidelines about how to transfer things, some of which are very confusing and have a bunch of legal jargon which is difficult to interpret at best. I'm hoping to get my name on a waiting list in each area soon and the first one that opens up is one I'm going to as I can't stand being in Minnesota anymore and the thing that happened to me on September 15 is the straw that breaks the camels back. All I am saying is that something really bad happened to me while I was on my first date since June 2014 and the police took the guy's side. I got chastised for 'letting him in the house' and for going out on a date in the first place because 'people like me always get into this kind of trouble whenever we go on any kind of romantic encounter'. Most of my friends have also taken his side and I've been made out to be a whore and then some.

If it were totally up to me(and if I had enough money), I'd go to an island in the Mediterranean and spend the rest of my life there as I won't be able cause any damage or chaos whenever I encounter people.

Aug. 18th, 2015

Andrewson

We start our story with a group of four people traveling to meet a relative of one the four passengers for a weekend of fun in the Ozarks. The four people in the car have been friends since high school and are in college together. The leader of the group is Duncan, a tall and wiry fellow whose on the college football team as the team's quarterback and is studying to be a rheumatologist, like his father before him. The person next to him is his good friend Madelyn or Maddie as she liked to be called. She was of average height and weight and studying to be a teacher. The person behind her was Wilton, her fiance of three years. They were high school sweethearts and the best of friends. He was also of average height and weight and studying to be a financial officer at a local bank in their hometown. The last person was Ralph, a clumsy guy who was a little overweight. He was studying to be a computer technician.

As the quartet make their way from the middle of Texas to the home of Maddie's aunt Hildegarde up the Ozark Mountains for a weekend of fun and swimming, she told the group "Stay on the main road. Don't take any shortcuts like you normally do. I mean it, stay on the main road!" The group said "Okay!" and went on their way; however, Duncan decided that Maddie's aunt Hildegarde was being too cautious and panicky over nothing and that they should explore the area where Oklahoma, Missouri, Kansas, and Arkansas meet. The others said "Cool! Let's explore!" and went on an unmarked road. They came to a four way stop and suddenly a loud crash came from the engine and smoke started billowing up. The four got out fast and looked to see where they were. They saw a sign that pointed in a few directions. If they went straight, they would be heading straight for the Ozark Mountains, however, the nearest town was 150 miles away and way too far to walk. If they went right, they would be heading for rolling hills and cornfields as far as the eye could see and the nearest town was 25 miles away and none of them wanted to walk that far. If they went back the way they came, there would be a 50 mile hike to the nearest farmhouse. A part of Duncan thought that they should either go back or go right, however, when they saw a sign that said Andrewson and that it was 3 miles to the left of them, they decided to go left and get help in Andrewson. Little did they realize that their lives would forever change once they decided to go to Andrewson.

They walked along the dusty state highway until they came upon the town of Andrewson with a population of 5,973. They jumped for joy and made their way to a gas station called Keymania(pronounced KaymainIay). The quartet were tired and hungry, however, they also wanted to explore the town. Duncan decided to go to the sheriff and get some help from a towing agency. Maddie and Wilton took off and explored the town while Ralph went into the gas station and sat down at the diner. He found a barstool at a counter and looked around. Everyone in their was so big and eating lots of food. It also looked like they couldn't get enough food, no matter how much they ate or drank. The waitress comes by and says "What'll you have hun?" The waitress is a big lady with blonde brassy curly hair that is in a mini beehive mode and glasses reminiscent of the 1950's. Ralph hesitated for a minute and eeked out "A piece of blueberry pie, please." "Coming right up!" said the waitress. A few minutes later, Ralph received his pie, only that's not what he got. Instead, he a huge piece of blueberry pie with nearly half a can of whipped cream, twenty scoops of ice cream, and a jar of maraschino cherries, all with the brand name of Andrewson Pharmaceuticals. Ralph looked at that huge piece of pie and wasn't sure what to do. He heard his stomach grumbling so hard as the aroma of the food was driving him wild and he wasn't sure if he could eat it all. Then after a few minutes of careful deliberation, he went face first into the pie and it was so succulent and mouth watering that he ate it in no time at all. The waitress came by and said "What's your next course there Ralph?" Ralph yelled "ANYTHING! JUST GET ME ANYTHING!" The waitress smiled and said "You got it sugar, and by the way, your cute."

Meanwhile, Maddie and Wilton had been exploring the town and saw such exquisite, opulent homes. They were in awe with how beautiful everything seemed to be, however, they too were getting hungry and thirsty and staggered back to the gas station. They walked in and saw Ralph, who had tripled his weight in nearly three hours, yet was so happy and joyful that he couldn't stop eating and drinking anything he could get his hands on. The waitress asked them "What do you want?" Maddie and Wilton weren't sure what to do, yet they too started hearing the grumbling of their stomachs and said "What do ya got?"


As the sun started setting, Duncan was tired, hungry, and thirsty. He had been walking in circles all day and couldn't find a policeman to find him. He was near a cornfield near some of the opulent homes when a small boy who was very obese offered him a caramel apple that was dipped in nuts. He took the apple and was about to eat it when a tall and very lanky man smacked it out of his hands and took him to the part of town that no one would see. It was cold and desolate. Everyone there was thin and emaciated. Duncan was terrified and demanded to know why he was there. A man in his mid-thirties came from out of the shadows and introduced himself. "My name is Langdon Wells. I'm the leader of the Skeletal Resistance. I'm sure by now you've seen how the townspeople look and how they behave. Come with me and I'll show you how these people came to be." Langdon and a group of followers take Duncan to an abandoned part of town near a cornfield where it is heavily guarded and everyone in the area had on an extra industrial strength type of hazmat suit on them. He then saw how people were being thoroughly tested and checked for any signs of chemtrail. Langdon then had his followers and Duncan crouch down near the cornfield. "You see Duncan, this place used to be a happy place. There were lots of farms, homes, a schoolyard, playground, and many things for people to do and see. Then, in 1914, a company came by and bought the town. His name was Andrewson, James T. Andrewson. He changed the name of the town from Rolling Meadows to Andrewson or as he pronounced it, Anderson. Shortly thereafter, Andrewson Pharmaceuticals came to be and they received unlimited funding from the federal government to create cures, ideas, and innovations. Andrewson wasn't interested in helping people, he was interested in creating a substance so addictive and so powerful that anyone who ingested it would be forever held in its power as withdrawl of any kind would make the person commit suicide due to unprecedented amounts of pain and suffering. He developed several prototypes and when they failed, he decided to create a new one based on a formula he'd dreamnt up when he was in an insane asylum in 1903. He combined several archaic ingredients combined with various food additives and protocols in his failed prototypes and came up with the substance known as Andrewsonium. He tested it on several people and it worked better than he'd ever hoped for. The people craved his formula and demanded more, so he put it in every known form of food and water supply in the area. By 1923, the government became aware of the problem, however, instead of trying to stop it, they gave him more and more money. By the end of WWII, all of the townspeople were severely obese and could barely do the simplest things. Andrewson was well into his 80's and knew he would die soon if he wasn't permanently preserved. So he had the sheriff and the owner/head waitress of KaymainIay injected with a serum that could keep them young forever, however, there was a price. They were his living slaves and would do anything he said for them to do and any disobedience would be an immediate death. After that, Andrewson had them inject with an experimental cocktail he'd been working that would bring about psychic abilities so that he could keep an eye on the town. It worked, albeit too well as he soon began having psychokinesis powers and became a ruthless tyrant in the town. He then had the opulent homes you see before you constructed and had all those who were thin and unable to eat or drink anything abandoned and exiled to the piece of town that we took you to. Over the years, synthetic versions of Andrewsonium were made and put into everything the people ate and drank with the brand label of Andrewson Pharmaceuticals. Eventually, the town began dying off due to the long term effects of the substance and Andrewson demanded more people be brought into town so that he could continue his reign of terror and so that his pharmaceutical company could continue getting unlimited funding from the federal government. That's when the sign you saw at that four way stop came up. The only parts of that sign that are true is the one about Andrewson only being three miles away on your left. The other places are less than ten miles away at most and aren't contaminated like we are." Just then, a group of people cart off someone who has been exposed to the substance to a nearby dumping ground where the sheriff picks them up, takes off their hazmat suit, and brings them to the gas station where they become just like the townspeople. "Why did they do that to the poor man? They easily could've just washed it off." said Duncan. "For a time, that's what they did, however, the people who were exposed to the substance were committing suicide at high rates or were trying everything they possibly could to get the substance. After thirty people committed suicide in one day, Andrewson imposed a law stating that anyone who works for the pharmaceutical company that gets exposed to the substance is to be immediately removed and taken to town where they become part of the townspeople." Duncan was visibly horrified by what he had heard and seen. "Why haven't you been able to stop this terrible thing?" "Because Andrewson is all knowing and all seeing. If he finds us anywhere near this area, he'll kill us. Let's go back to our side of town and see how things are." The group makes their way back to their part of town when Duncan sees his car at the gas station. "My car! What is it doing here?" asked Duncan. "It's obviously a trick to get you to eat at the diner Duncan. Let's go." said Langdon. "But what of my friends? Are they in there too?" asked Duncan. "Most likely Duncan. Come on, let's get back to our side of town before Andrewson finds us." said Langdon. "I need to see for myself!" said Duncan and rushed into the gas station with Langdon yelling "NO DUNCAN! STOP BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!" Duncan rushed in and saw what became of his friends. They were too busy eating to recognize him. He stood there for a moment and rushed out the door and ran about town where he came about the cornfield where he saw the little boy. He offered Duncan another caramel apple topped with nuts and Duncan heavily contemplated eating it. Instead, he dropped to his knees and broke down crying.

Langdon brought him back to their part of town and sat him down for awhile. After Duncan calmed down, he asked Langdon "If the food and water is contaminated, how do you survive?" Langdon said "By a special blend of recipes handed down from generation to generation, before Andrewson arrived. As I told you before, several of the people were abandoned and exiled here after WWII because they too thin and unable to eat or drink anything. That's because they had a recessive gene that made them immune to Andrewsonium and its related substances. We were able to further keep that gene going by carefully selecting and breeding those that had the strongest gene pool mutation. Those that weren't able to breed became fighters and workers of the land. We named ourselves the Skeletal Resistance because we don't want any part of connotation with the outside world. That's why we wouldn't let you take your electronic devices or other valuables with you when we brought you here. My daughter Rosalie brought you here after I saved you from the first apple. She cleaned you and bathed you and took the photos from your electronic devices and made copies of them so that you'll have memories of your loved ones. She fell in love with you as soon as she laid eyes on you and you did too." "How did you know that?" asked Duncan. Langdon got up and showed Duncan the birthmark on his back and chest; it was a birthmark of a type of pentagram, common in medevial folklore. "You see Duncan, I am one of Andrewson's sons. I possess the same genetic mutation that the others did. When my father found out, he had me abandoned and exiled. He also branded me with these birthmarks, just like he did all the others. I too possess his psychic ability as well as some form of psychokinesis, however, it was not enough to overpower him in his attempt to reclaim the land back in the late 90's and as a result, my wife and Rosalie's mother died in that attempt. I've never forgiven myself for it and will do everything in my power to avenge the deaths of her and all others before her as well as freeing this town of his evil influence. Please, Duncan, will you join me and Rosalie?"


We end our story a year after it began. Duncan and Rosalie are married and are expecting their first child. Duncan has had several battles with Andrewson and as a result, has been branded with both birthmarks. Duncan often weeps for his lost friends and lost loved ones, knowing that he can never again see them, hear them, touch them, talk to them, or feel them. Rosalie comforts him and shows him images of them from time to time. Ralph, Maddie, and Wilton have settled into their new lives as part of the townspeople. Ralph lives with the head waitress and is romantically involved with her. Maddie and Wilton live nearby and are married with three children as the substance also produces hyper fertility in people who possess a certain genome. Maddie and Wilton are seeing watching TV while the maid and butlers that Andrewson provided for them tend to their whim, especially when it comes to food. As we zoom out and look out beneath the stars, we pan out to the four way stop and there sitting at the four way stop is another car, this time a husband, wife, and four children. He's low on fuel and doesn't know what to do. If I were you sir, I'd think long and hard before you make next move as your next move could be your last move, especially if you decide to make the left turn and make your way the Andrewson way.

Jul. 29th, 2015

The Legacy Room

We start our episode in an elaborately decorated abandoned warehouse off route 67 in a town near Malice. Dr. Venture has been brought there and is under sedation when he suddenly wakes up from a three day nap.

Dr. Venture: Where the hell am I this week? [lights blare on, blinding him temporarily]

Professor Incorrigible: Welcome Dr. Thaddeus Stevenson Venture to The Legacy Room! In this area you will find that your loved ones as well as your enemies have joined together for an old-fashioned beatdown and thrashing of you, followed by seeing which one of you will be known for its part in destroying you and being part of the newly formed Neo-Legendary Board!

Dr. Venture: Aren't the former members all living still?

Professor Incorrigible: Yes they are young Thaddeus Venture and you too shall know what its like to die in the hands of the Legendary Board, like my father and father before him! Also, I heard a rumor that your father may also have been subjected to his demise by them as well. Now then, let's get started shall we?

The Trammps "Disco Inferno" starts playing as Professor Incorrigible starts introducing the potential new members of the Neo-Legendary Board.

Professor Incorrigible: In this gala, there are no rules, only mayhem! Even the newly re-organized Guild of Calamitous Intent and OSI are partners in this one! Let's see who you'll be playing for shall we?

The potential members come out in 70's Elvis jumpsuits and other disco type wear. Some of it is quite appalling, even for Dr. Venture.

Professor Incorrigible: The good guys have graciously decided to go first in their introduction. We have on our team for the good guys, Brock Samson, Hank Venture, Colonel Gentleman, Dr. Quymn, Dean Venture, Dr. Byron Orpheus, Triana Orpheus, and the all-knowing beloved Master in a weird prototype humanoid suit!

Dr. Venture: Can I plead insanity and cop out to a suicide?

Professor Incorrigible: No you can't! And just for that, were going to give you 50,000 volts of pure, uncut electricity courtesy of our dear friend Phantom Limb, one of the original members of the Legendary Board Junior Edition team! [shocks Dr. Venture unconscious]

Dr. Venture wakes up 30 minutes later, only to find out he had a seizure and wet his pants.

Professor Incorrigible: Now then, for your teams of miscrients: The Monarch, 24, Dr. Mrs. The Monarch, Fat Chance, Brick Frog, Loki, Mephistopheles, Mephisto, Magneto, Faust, Hecate, and Stephen Colbert.

Dr. Venture: Did I take a bunch of acid again?

Professor Incorrigible: No you didn't! We did do a drug test though and found several things that we think you need to talk to somebody to about getting into a 12-Step program for: Tequila, heroin, amphetamines, large quantities of DMT, ecstasy, STP, novacaine, Ritalin, yew berries, valium, thallium, thorazine, Risperdal, PCP, ketamine, cocaine, crack, methampethamines, morphine, thorium, psilocybin, and mescaline. We even found scolopamine, strychnine, and henbane in this thing! Were not even sure how your alive more or less how you've managed to be here without serious withdrawl issues!

Dr. Venture: Lots and lots of Talwin.

Professor Incorrigible: Well then, let's get started shall we?

Dr. Venture is knocked out and brought to group A who take him to the interrogation room. Dr. Quymn and 24 are in there waiting for him.

Professor Incorrigible: Now that we have Disco Inferno in our heads, let's introduce tonight's tormentors, shall we?

Dr. Venture: Fine, whatever!

Professor Incorrigible: In this corner, coming out to Aerosmith's "Back in the Saddle" is none other than 24! And in this corner, coming out to Nazareth's "Love Hurts" is Dr. Tara Quymn!

Dr. Venture: Can't we talk it over some tiramisu Tara? I mean come on, you wanna be a part of this menagerie?

Dr. Quymn: After what you did in the Amazon rainforest Rusty, you should thank me for not killing you when I had the chance. 20 years of cancer research down the drain and you killed countless species of plant and wildlife, not to mention destroyed several temples and three dozen tribes!

Dr. Venture: So there's a chance we can get nookie later on?

24: Oh my God dude! Are you this dense and naive or has the withdrawl symptoms finally started to kick in for at least one of those things?

Dr. Venture: Well---

Professor Incorrigible: Enough chit-chat! Let's start interrogating him shall we?

Dr. Quymn and 24 interrogate him for 24 hours with no sleep, food, or water. After the song "The Heat Is On" is played for the 10,000th time, Professor Incorrigible announces a winner.

Professor Incorrigible: It was a close match folks! The judges have told me that 24 is the winner! Dr. Tara Quymn will now be stripped of her uniform, heavily drugged, and dropped off in Nairobi! Thanks for playing! [Dr. Quymn is escorted out]

Professor Incorrigible: While 24 is off getting refreshments and desserts, let's get back to the action where Dr. Venture has been dragged to group B where Dean Venture, the beloved Master, Loki, and Faust are waiting for the torture chamber to begin!

Dr. Venture: You do realize I was tortured on a daily basis for 14 years right?

Professor Incorrigible: Yes I do Thaddeus and I also know that you participate in coloring therapy at the OSI Academy as part of the Boyhood Rehabilitation Foundation for Misguided Youths of Protagonists! The picture of the unicorn you made last week is absolutely darling and has been shown on the web countless times in the form of memes!

Dr. Venture: NOOO! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE PRIVATE!

Loki: Not nearly as adorable as the cats you painted during arts and crafts fest for the Guild Asylum. All nine realms know of your handiwork!

Dr. Venture: Asgard has Internet connection? I'd hate to see that bill!

Professor Incorrigible: Chatty Cathy session is over! Let's start the carnage!

The torture lasts three days and the Master and Faust become incapacitated due to no food or water. Dean and Loki are at a stalemate when Professor Incorrigible announces a winner.

Professor Incorrigible: This is a hotly contested matchup which seems to last forever(and I thought tennis was boring)! The winner is Dean Venture! Because Loki did such an awesome torturing Dr. Venture with Falco's "Der Kommissar" for 19 hours, were going to give him a position as headmaster of the torture chambers!

Loki: See you at the next round Venture!

Professor Incorrigible: Dean is going to get some grub followed by taking a much needed shower! Dr. Venture has somehow managed not to be driven insane or killed and since we only have three days of our timeshare agreement left, were going into the lightning round where anything and everything is legal, even Onyx Magic! We have two very special guest referees for this one: Myra Brandish and the supervillain Florencia! Cue the Mortal Kombat music and FIGHT!

A huge interrogation/torture session begins with all but two people eliminated from the chamber. Those who lost are stripped of their uniforms, heavily drugged, and shipped to Nairobi where they go to the original Legendary Board camp to be re-trained for next year.

Professor Incorrigible: The four finalists have entered the ring. Dean Venture, 24, Brock Samson, and Stephen Colbert have entered the hallway and are carrying a rose. There also in weird costumes and look like there going to a fancy Seder dinner followed by an all-night fuck fest which may get very weird in a hurry at Stanley Kubrick's house! We have a host who was randomly chosen by our home viewers, drugged via a burrito, blindfolded, tied up, put into a stereotypical pedophile van, driven to the middle of the Mohave desert, given huge amounts of mescaline, and flown here by helicopter(although he thinks it was a magic carpet drag racing the DeLorean from Back To The Future). Please give it up for Mr. John Oliver!

John Oliver: I really need to stop eating at burrito shops that are fronts for illegal activities! This is the fifth time something like this has happened in three months!

Stephen Colbert: Still not as bad as how I got here; Jon Stewart sold me to Phantom Limb for 100 bucks and tickets to a Cubs game.

John Oliver: I always knew Stewart was a monster!

Professor Incorrigible: Gentlemen! Now that we've had our pleasantries, let the mayhem begin! Mr. Oliver has graciously decided to host a version of the Bachelor, only not as creepy or wondering when it'll end. Each one of you has a rose; Mr. Oliver will ask each of you to step forward and Dr. Venture will decide whether to accept the rose. If he says yes, your in the Neo-Legendary Board and will walk away with 50,000 dollars! If he says no, you'll be stripped of your uniform, heavily drugged, and left to fend for yourself in the remote reaches of the Gobi desert. Now then, let's play!

Each person goes by one by one, only to have Dr, Venture say no. It starts getting on Professor Incorrigible's nerves and he ups the ante.

Professor Incorrigible: Venture! I sincerely hope your not trying to waste my time, the finalist's time, and the host's time who is most likely under extreme duress at this point! If you do not pick a single person to be in the group and on the board, I will have no choice but to kill every last person in here in a cruel and unpleasant fashion! Now then, pick either Dean Venture or Brock Samson!

Dean: Please pop, pick someone! I don't think you have a spare me in your closet anymore!

Brock: Come on Doc! Just pick someone so we can get out of here and live our lives; also if get killed because of this bullshit, I am haunting your ass in every life form possible for all eternity; its a promise!

John Oliver: JUST FUCKING PICK SOMEONE! HOW HARD CAN IT FUCKING BE? JUST PICK THE ROSE YOU LIKE BEST AND LET'S GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE HE FUCKING KILLS US!

Dr. Venture: Okay, okay, okay, fine! The person whose rose I'm going to choose is......

We come to the end of the episode where Dr.Venture wakes up in the intensive unit of the OSI Academy where he has suffered a nervous breakdown and undergoing an intense psychiatric evaluation.

Dr. Venture: So, Dr. Alvarez, is there anything you can do for me or did I just dream it all up like usual?

Dr. Alvarez: For the most part, yes, it was a dream. Although, I do have to agree with that cat painting though. You do have a talent for being a good artist. Now then, if you could just paint 1,000,000 of these by tomorrow, I should enough on hand to start the sweatshop brigade here at the Academy......

[Dr. Venture wakes up in a cold sweat terrified of what has happened in his dream; Sgt. Hatred goes and gets him some warm milk]

Sgt. Hatred: I told you Doc, don't eat those tuna sandwiches you find in the back of a crack house; you don't know what's in those things! Now I'll leave your nightlight on for the next few nights til you cool down a little. Now go to sleep Doc, and by the way, those unicorn memes are out of sight! [walks away]

Dr. Venture: WHAT!? [hit with dart by Brock, the newest member of the Neo-Legendary Board]

Brock: Finally! I thought he'd never get back to sleep! [walks to his barrack and goes back to sleep]

May. 31st, 2015

Magic's Unseen Gathering

We start the episode inside an ancient pyramid outside Cairo, Egypt. Dr. Orpheus has been chosen to compete in a head-to-head competition to see who is the best necromancer. Al and Jefferson Twilight are waiting at a bar near the arena's entrance.

Al: So how long do these things typically last Casimir?

Casimir: At least three or four days, depending on how long it takes for people to die.

Al: Just great. Hey Orpheus! If you die, I get your kick-ass stereo system from 1980!

Jefferson and Casimir give him a weird look.

Al: What? It was my wedding present to him! Geez!


As we look into the arena, we see two other people who have gathered to compete. The first one is Ra's Al Ghul. A man whose managed to attain legendary magic status as well as immortality via The Lazarus Pit. The second one is Dr. Stephen Strange, a former surgeon turned Supreme Sorcerer. A referee comes out to start the tournament.

Referee: In this corner, weighing 149 lbs, he is the necromancer from the compound; Dr. Byron Orpheus! [Orpheus comes out in a white sequin outfit that blinds a few people]

Al: Did Orpheus make a deal with Elton John again?

Jefferson: I hope not. The last time that happened, we got kicked out of Wales and you have to do something pretty crazy to get kicked out of Wales!

Referee: In this corner, weighing 145 lbs, he is the current Supreme Sorcerer and member of The Avengers; give it up for Dr. Stephen Strange! [Strange comes out in a blue sequin outfit]

Al: What's with the sequins? It's not Vegas or a coming out party!

Casimir: Ra's Al Ghul personally requested that contestants be in a sequined outfit, after all, this is his pyramid and he's being gracious in lending it to the tournament.

Referee: In Orpheus's opposite corner, weighing 130 lbs, he is the illustriously immortal supreme one, Ra's Al Ghul! [Ra's Al Ghul comes out in a green sequin outfit]

Referee: And in Strange's opposite corner, he is the terror that flaps in the night! He is the terror that wings in your shoe! He is....Count Dracula! [no one comes out]

Al: Did Darkwing Duck kill him? If he did, that's awesome! I want his autograph!

The other contestants go to Count Dracula's room, which shows Count Dracula dead from an unknown source.

Dr. Orpheus: It appears that Count Dracula was obliterated by a laser sword that is made of sunlight, the souls of a 1,000 babies, and a strange ingredient for a sword---

Dr. Strange: It's Yellow No. 5 Orpheus! Don't you know basic chemistry? [leaves in a huff]

Dr. Orpheus: What's with him?

Ra's Al Ghul: Count Dracula and Dr. Strange have been bitter enemies for 30 years. It started when Strange borrowed Dracula 50 dollars so he can make a bet on the '85 NBA Final game. From there it escalated and before he knew it, Dracula had cleaned Strange out of 385,000 dollars with no intention of paying him back.

Dr. Orpheus: Couldn't he just hire a loanshark to get the money?

Ra's Al Ghul: You and I both know that the Magcian's Mafia has no time for such trivial things! We must have another contestant for Strange, but whom shall we pick to take his place?

Dr. Orpheus: I may know someone. One minute while I get them. [Orpheus goes to the Venture Compound and gets Hector Molina, who has been distraught since the deaths of his employer and Swifty(Swifty succumbed to the affects of Lewy Body dementia a few weeks after Jonas Jr. died)and wants Hector Molina to stop sleeping on his lawn]

Ra's Al Ghul: He has no magic ability! Although, he is incredibly suicidal and that might just be what he needs to survive to first few rounds. Kazeem! Take this peasant to the dressing room and put him in a bright pink sequined outfit!

Kazeem: Are you sure about that master? He seems like a nice fellow.

Ra's Al Ghul: Do it or you get put in it! [Kazeem rushes Hector Molina to the dressing room]

Hector Molina comes out of the dressing room and replaces Count Dracula.

Al: Why is the janitor here? He has no magical abilities!

Casimir: The rules say you must have four contestants in a tournament or everyone gets slaughtered.

Al: Good point. I'm not sure if bright pink is a good color on him though, maybe mauve or light purple, what do you think Casimir? [Casimir is gone and Al and Jefferson are put into another room]

Al: What are we doing here?

Ra's Al Ghul: NO INTERLOPERS IN THE TOURNAMENT GROUNDS! YOU CAN WATCH YOUR COMRADES ON THIS SCREEN! THERE IS PLENTY OF FOOD AND BEVERAGE HERE AND DANCING GIRLS FOR THE NEGRO AND MALE SERVANTS FOR THE BALD ONE!

Al: Good enough for me! [goes to have food and have fun]

Jefferson: Wow! Maybe I can get laid this time; its been 35 years since I've had anyone! [rushes to the dancing girls]


The referee goes to the starting gong.

Referee: Gentlemen, LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Al: How'd they get this guy?

Ra's Al Ghul: He's my 22nd cousin on my mother's side.

Al: Makes sense. [back to festivities]

We go to the tournament where Strange and Swifty have entered a makeshift dungeon of unspeakable horror. Strange uses the Eye of Agamotto to cut off any chance of Swifty escaping and applies the Crimson Bands of Cyttorak in which Swifty is left helpless. Just as Strange is about to kill Swifty, he notices something about the sequined costumes. The sequins contain a tiny camera that Ra's Al Ghul uses to track their every move and thus kill his enemies. He decides to put on a show that makes it look like he killed Swifty while in reality, he has a prisoner who is far more suicidal than Swifty trade places with him, thus giving Swifty a much needed social life and a new home, albeit a very temporary one. As Strange goes to find Orpheus, we see Casimir bring back the body to the astral form of Ra's Al Ghul who sees that the man in the outfit is someone other than Swifty.

Ra's Al Ghul: Casimir! Bring forth Kazeem! [Kazeem comes to Ra's Al Ghul]

Ra's Al Ghul: Kazeem! Get in the suit and bring me Strange or it'll be your head!

Kazeem: No master! I beg of you, please don't! [Casimir puts Kazeem in the suit]

While Casimir brings Kazeem to his doom in the arena, we go to where Strange and Orpheus have squared off in a duel of sorts. Strange uses the Eye of Agamotto which is counteracted by Orpheus using the Eye of Stugotto. Strange applies the Crimson Bands of Cyttorak however, Orpheus uses a magic shield which causes the bands to bounce off and hit Strange. Just before Orpheus is about to kill Strange, Strange appeals for Orpheus to hear him out about Swifty and about the outfits.

Orpheus: So your saying that these outfits are nothing more than glorified cameras that Al Ghul uses to spy on his victims and kill them?

Strange: Yes, and that's not all. I was able to get a message out to Jericho Drumm about the outfits and he said that the color of the outfit determines who dies first. Bright pink first, then blue, then white. He's probably found another person to put on the pink outfit.

Orpheus: Oh dear. Are Al and Jefferson all right?

Strange: They are for the time being. They are in a room that is filled with a hallucinogenic gas that is quite addicting and can cause bouts of severe psychosis if exposed for too long. They should be fine once this is over with and in a 12-Step program.

Orpheus: All right. How is Al Ghul unable to see this or hear us?

Strange: I applied a synthetic dye to our outfits and the cameras and microphones shorted out. Now then, let's take out Al Ghul!

As Strange and Orpheus go forth to find Al Ghul, they are unknowingly being watched by Casimir and his other servants who tell Al Ghul about the outfits.

Ra's Al Ghul: It figures. Casimir! Go out and find Strange; bring him to me! As for the buffoon from the compound, kill him!

Casimir: Yes sir!

Casimir puts on the red suit which means he's a servant of Al Ghul and not to be harmed. He then has several other servants put on red suits and scour the pyramid looking for them. Orpheus and Strange come across a container full of Yellow No. 5 and Orpheus analyzes it.

Orpheus: This is the dye used in that sword. Is there any way to find out who it belongs to?

Strange: Here's the FedEx receipt from last Tuesday. [The receipt shows that Strange did indeed kill Dracula]

Strange: He had it coming! I was gonna frame Al Ghul for the murder, then he can't host the tournament anymore and I would be able to do so.

Orpheus: We still can. One minute please. [Orpheus goes into astral form and destroys all evidence tying Strange to the murder]

Orpheus: There! Now, on with the hunt!!!!!!

Strange: Must you be so theatrical?

As Strange and Orpheus the pyramid, they come across the room that Al and Jefferson are in.

Orpheus: I really think I should free them from that hell.

Strange: They'll be fine. There's no trace of psychosis in either one of them and the one called Jefferson Twilight seems to be really enjoying himself.

Orpheus: He must've got laid finally. It'll be nice not to hear him whine and complain about that for a change.

As they move to another room, they come across Kazeem who has been forced to wear the pink outfit.

Kazeem: Please sirs! Kill me, kill me now!

Orpheus does a mind-meld with him and sees Kazeem's past. Kazeem's mother and father were workers for Ra's Al Ghul in the 1890's. When Kazeem's father caught Al Ghul having an affair with his mother, he tried to kill Al Ghul, but he failed. His mother died giving birth to Al Ghul's child and the child was given up for adoption in a remote village. Al Ghul then subjected Kazeem to the first of many baths in the Lazarus Pit and kept Kazeem as his slave.

Orpheus: We have to put him out of his misery; its for his own good.

Strange: I'll send him to a euthanasia clinic in the Bahamas, they'll take good care of him there.

Orpheus continues on with Strange, however, he is steadily becoming troubled by Strange's anti-social and misanthropic behavior. They come to a room with a locked door and try to open it. After 20 minutes of trying, they are pushed in by Casimir and are taken to another dimension.

Ra's Al Ghul: Greetings, friends! It seems you have wandered into the 4th Chamber and it'll be the last place you'll ever be in!

An epic magic battle happens with all forms of magic being made legal; even the ones that are Onyx Magic, the worst kind of magic ever. Three days go by and there is no clear winner.

Ra's Al Ghul: I was afraid it would come to this. You leave me no choice but to put on my theme music! [Weird Gregorian chant music is heard overhead]

Orpheus: Of course! Music is the strongest magic out there! Strange, use your theme music and take him down!

Dr. Strange's theme music of the song Abracadabra by Steve Miller Band is heard overhead and for awhile it holds Al Ghul at bay however, Strange becomes tired and is starting to weaken.

Strange: Orpheus! Use your theme music now!

Dr. Orpheus's theme music of the song A Kind of Magic by Queen is heard overhead and is able to bring down Al Ghul and take him and Casimir to the Utter World; a place where time and space cease to exist outside the known universe.

As Strange and Orpheus exit the pyramid, they come to the realization that no one won the tournament.

Orpheus: What are we to do with who decides the tournament?

Strange: I'll handle that. I'll make it look like you killed me, that way you can have something meaningful to look at in your long and boring career as cosmic balance dude and I can get away from the Avengers. Did you know that they only give me Sunday off and 1 week's furlough to Switzerland? It's positively outrageous!

We come to the end of the episode where Dr. Orpheus did indeed kill Dr. Strange, however, he did it with a little help from Brock.

Orpheus: Thank you so much Samson! He was quite troublesome!

Brock: And annoying. If I wanna hear some blowhard talk about his intellectual conquests of the day, I'll get Dean.

Orpheus: It was awfully nice of the Avengers to give me the Sanctum Solarium. Now I can have a summer home!

Brock: Just remember, I get to use it every third week in August; its when I have my mandatory furlough or go to a psych ward ordeal.

Orpheus: Agreed. I can't help but think I forgot something.

Brock: You'll remember it the next week or two, I do that sometimes too.


We go to Egypt where Al and Jefferson have been running through remote villages trying to find the Hollywood sign.

Al: I know its around here somewhere!

Jefferson: I hope so because man is it hot out here!

Al: I gonna kill Orpheus for leaving us in that fucking pyramid! He knows I have a fear of mummies!

May. 23rd, 2015

West Virginia

I know its been a while since I've said anything however things have been crazy to say the least.

When we last left off, I was hoping to start dating someone who'd been flirting with me for the past 2 and a half years. That turned into a huge fiasco and then some. Apparently, because I reciprocated his flirting when he upped the ante via private message on Facebook in mid-February, it scared the living bejeebees out of him and he blocked me on Facebook, followed by having me be yelled at by staff and allies(he could continue flirting with me but if I responded I'd get in trouble), getting most of my friends to turn on me, getting the staff and allies to turn on me, and by taking out a 25 year restraining order on me. I got served on Easter Sunday at my mother's house at 11:30 PM. Needless to say, I ruined Easter(and every other holiday)yet again.

I was originally scheduled to go to court on May 1st, however, he got a lawyer and his lawyer pushed everything up to April 28th; I barely made it on time. His lawyer represented him via proxy(in Minnesota you can do that if your the one whose petitioning a restraining order; in most cases, its because of domestic violence issues)and he had close to 50 witnesses testify that I was physically, emotionally, verbally, and possibly sexually torturing him. I almost bust out laughing in the courtroom because 1. It's complete bullshit. He's the one who initiated the flirting to begin with. 2. I'm 4'10" from two genetic disorders and I have little to no upper body strength. How in the hell am I supposed to do anything his lawyer and those witnesses described? In case your wondering, I had no lawyer and no witnesses so I got my ass handed to me something fierce. The judge ruled in his favor and on May 1st, everything got implemented. The order is good for 25 years. Normally, an order is good for 1-6 years depending on circumstances. Anything over 10 years requires an additional hearing for implementation purposes and 50 years is the max you can do an order. I can't be within a half mile of him, if he gets on the bus and I'm on it, I have to get off on the next stop regardless of circumstances, and I have to leave Minnesota by December 31, 2016 and if I don't, I get an automatic 3 year prison sentence for stalking. I also have to comply with a pioneer-era law that is still on the books in Minnesota(and most other states)so its therefore legal. I have to get married within a year. It has to deal with the notion that a woman can impact a man's life and reputation in either a positive way or a negative way and if they're married, their husband can keep an eye on them better and keep them from impacting men and their husband in a negative way. If I don't get married, its and automatic 10 year sentence for non-compliance. The marriage must also be for at 10 years(they're taking a typical pioneer person's lifespan into account where the absolute most you could live to was 50). His lawyer also tried to get my ex-fiance attached to the order because they had a falling out last year and it was pretty bad. I managed to delay that until August 31st(I had to use every trick in the book to do that). I found out yesterday that the judge did order my ex-fiance to leave Minnesota by December 31st, 2016 or he gets a 10-20 year sentence for terroristic threats and since he has no known address, I have to tell him(can't wait for that reaction!).

I had a therapist for a short time, however, he got fired for advocating for his clients too much(because apparently advocating for your clients is a bad thing)and I'm now on the waiting list for a new one. The one I'm most likely going to be assigned to is someone who thinks those with disabilities and mental health issues should be locked up for the good of society and that its your fault why you've been bullied, abused, tortured, and what not and if you just take the fall for everything, you'll be fine. The scary thing is this lady is my age(which makes me wonder what society's views on those with disabilities and mental health issues will be 15-20 years). The county tried sticking me with her initially however when another therapist came up, I went with him instead.

I know I've posted about being stripped of my self-advocacy things because I exposed corruption and money mismanagement in the self-advocacy movement in Minnesota(some of which dates back 50 years)and that if I want to do self-advocacy again, I have to move to another state. Well, I've now had my national funding stripped as well. I've been told that if I don't resign within 30 days that I'll lose my health insurance that I get from the state in 2016 and that my Social Security could also be affected. I'm not sure what to do as the national organization says they won't accept my resignation and that I'm expected to be in Chicago for the summer meeting in July. I'm having a meeting with the two people I went to about the corruption and money mismanagement(there also the ones doing it; I found out the hard way), the head of DHS, several people from Arc, several people from ACT, and 3 high-up financial workers(they're the ones who decide who gets health insurance and they're the ones who alert Social Security to any issues)on June 17th. Needless to say, I'm terrified as to what will happen at the meeting. It's going to be a lose-lose situation no matter what happens.

I know some of you are wondering what the title of my entry means. Well I'm here to tell you what it means.

After I found out that I was being stripped of my self-advocacy things and that I'd be blackballed from all self-advocacy things in Minnesota on January 1st, 2016(some of which has already happened); I started looking around for places to go. I had something lined up in Salt Lake City late last year, however, they needed someone right away and gave my job to someone else. The same thing happened in New Mexico, Texas, Hawaii, California, Georgia and Tennessee. I nearly got a job in Arizona however someone had more experience working for a state position so they got the job. For a while I wasn't sure where I was gonna go, then someone told me about West Virginia and how good their self-advocacy programs are. I did some looking and was sold. I talked with several organizations and they are more than willing to roll out the red carpet for me and are welcoming me with open arms. They have a good program for insurance and have decent section 8 housing(they also have a program where people on SSI and SSDI can get their own house, trailer, etc and not have it affect their income; I'm seriously considering looking into it as I've lived in apartments most of my life and I'd like to have my own home for once). I've gotten some flak about my decision because its a rural state and because its in the south; however, I don't have a problem with that. My dad was born and raised in Memphis and I've always wanted to embrace my southern roots(I've also had an inkling to be around hillbillies; even the stereotypical ones). Just because its not #1 in everything doesn't mean its a bad state. All states have their flaws; even the one that's #1 in everything. All states are expensive to live in; there's no way to avoid that. I know that no matter where I go, there will be issues; that's to be expected, however, I wanna be in a state that I don't have to wonder whose corn flakes I shit in that morning or who else is going to slap with me something today. I'm to the point where I'm almost a recluse because what's been going on and I'm wondering if I can really near human beings as every time I turn around, something else is slapping me upside the head(I don't go looking for this shit at all!)or insisting that I be like Pollyanna at a rave 24/7/365(I'm not like that at all, quit trying to force me to be that way!). I'm going somewhere where I can be appreciated for my talents and not have to wonder what will happen to me if I say something. I'm going to West Virginia! I'll be moving there late next year(probably around November)and I'll be settling in the Charleston area once I get there.

Mar. 25th, 2015

VHN--Your Leading Source For Superscience News!

We start our episode at the former site of the Venture Compound. Everyone is salvaging the site for what little possessions they had. Hank was able to find his guitar, an autographed picture of Dave Mustaine, a picture of Hank & Nikki at a 50's themed restaurant, and a picture of Hank & Dermott sodomizing a dead raccoon while high on PCP. Dr. Venture found a picture of his dad & a lady he doesn't know, a trophy from State University's Bowling Club, and a rare LP from the band Rush. Brock found the jar with Molotov's eye, a copy of the first Playboy ever made, and a picture of his mom, dad, and brother(his mom was 6 months pregnant with Brock). Dr. Orpheus was able to find a place in which to keep contact with the Master(the old euthansia chamber Jonas used to get rid of sick & disabled children), a picture of Triana graduating high school, and the wedding album of him and Tatiana. Dean starts looking around the compound to see if he can find anything. He finds his weird shrine to Triana, an autographed picture of David Bowie, and something he thought he'd never see again----


Dean: Yes!!!! I can't believe it survived the fire! [jumping around, doing weird victory dance]

Dr. Venture: Please tell me its not his Manfred Man collection, I can't stand them!

Hank: It's not them pop, it looks like some sort of telegraph equipment.

Dr. Venture: Do you even know what a telegraph is Hank?

Dr. Venture & Hank go up to Dean and see that his newspaper making equipment survived the fire.

Dr. Venture: How the hell did this survive the fire? Hank, get me a can of gasoline and a blowtorch, this shit aint going with us!

Dean gets in front of the equipment to prevent Hank from torching it.

Dean: Stop right there Henry Allen Venture! You can't destroy a beloved piece of machinery!

Hank: What's so special about it anyway Dean? You get at most 22 readers!

Dean: I'll tell you what's special about it Hank! It's---

Just as Dean is about to tell Hank how special the newspaper means to him, a mysterious man jumps out of a plane with a sack of money.

Mysterious man: Which one of you fellers is Roger Dean Venture?

Dean: I am sir. You can call me Dean.

Mysterious man: All then feller. My name is Reuben Murlock, I own a very successful cable news channel called Falcon News Channel & I've been reading your Venture Home News for quite some time now. How would you like to make oodles of money & have your own cable news channel devoted entirely to superscience & its subsidiaries?

Dean: Well---

Dr. Venture: He'll take it! [takes sack full of money from Reuben like no tomorrow]

Dean: So how does this begin?

Reuben: Dean, lets you and me go on this here plane and talk things over before the crazy stick man comes back. [Dean & Reuben quickly get on plane & head to Texas]

As the months go by, Dean is made sole owner & CEO of VHN and is being financed by Reuben. Pete White & Billy are made chief technical support people, Hank & Dermott are in charge of sports & entertainment, The Order of the Triad is made VHN's official weather team, Sgt. Hatred is made the main news reporter, Brock is made chief news reporter, Col. Gathers is given his own show, Shoreleave is made Hank & Dermott's babysitter, Sky Pilot is VHN's traffic person, Dr. Quymn is given her own show, Nancy is made Dean's assistant, Drew is made a reporter, Myra is also made a reporter(and is heavily medicated), Triana is made a reporter, and Tatiana & Night Rider are given their own show. Dr. Venture is demoted to head janitor after he's caught stealing drugs from a segment that Team Ventronic is doing.

Triana: Good evening America. I'm Triana Orpheus and this is VHN, your leading source of superscience news! Top news of the hour is that a man known as The Monarch has crashed through a Wendy's while on the way to attending a funeral, killing all 48 people inside the restaurant. Police described him as highly intoxicated and reeked of marijuana. He was booked on 48 counts of murder 3, 1st degree DUI, and possession with intent to sell. The newly reformed Guild of Calamitous Intent has suspended his villainy license until the trial is concluded......

We go to the cocoon where the Monarch is crying and eating a huge tub of rainbow sherbert ice cream.

Monarch: Why did this happen? I've seen plenty of villains do a lot worse and get away scot free. It's not fair! [goes into tantrum mode]

24 walks in and sees the Monarch.

24: Oh crap, he's at it again. 84,82, & 17! Hold him down while I give him his medicine! 4! Get me Dr. Alvarez on the phone, big screen please!

We go back to VHN where the trial of The Monarch is about to begin. Sgt. Hatred is on standby in Carson City, Nevada where the trial is to be held.

Triana: We go live to Carson City, Nevada where Sgt. Hatred is covering the Monarch's trial.

Sgt. Hatred: Thank you Triana. Were here at the courthouse in Carson City where Malcolm Schnottlocker, AKA The Monarch, is on trial for 48 counts of Murder 3, one count of 1st degree DUI, and one count of possession with intent to sell. He faces a maximum of life in prison if convicted and the prosecuting attorney is seeking the death penalty in the case. I've been on trial here in Nevada and let me tell you they are tough as nails here! I got 8 years for 5th degree criminal sexual conduct when I went on trial here 38 years ago and I had to register with the state of Nevada and there wasn't even a registry back then! Back to you Triana.

Triana[looks nervous]: Thank you Sgt. Hatred. We'll be right back with the Triad Team's weathercast for all of New England! [goes off the air]

Triana psychically communicates with Billy about why they didn't cut Sgt Hatred off when he started talking about his trial.

Triana: What the hell was that Billy? You should've cut him when he started rambling!

Billy: You try getting a signal in Nevada, its terrible!

Reuben summons Dean to his office to discuss the Sgt Hatred situation.

Reuben: Boy, I need you to get rid of that cowpoke right here, right now! My stock went down 50 cents & I can't take that kind of a beating!

Dean: But how can I get rid of someone who's saved my life countless times?

Reuben: Boy, in this business, its kill or be killed and I don't wanna be killed! You get rid of him or your out of a job and a news network!

Dean goes back to his office & summons Dr. Orpheus.

Dr. Orpheus: What seems to be the problem young Dean?

Dean: Reuben says I have to get rid of Sgt. Hatred & if I don't then Venture Home News is finished.

Dr. Orpheus: Hmmm...let me see that contract. [reads the contract]

Dr. Orpheus: Dean, let me tell you this very noble & worthy piece of advice: ALWAYS READ THE FINE PRINT!

Dean: He rushed me through it before I could!

Dr. Orpheus: IT'S A TYPICAL BUSINESS TACTIC DEAN! IT SAYS HERE THAT IF YOU DON'T DO EVERYTHING REUBEN SAYS OR WANTS THAT YOU HAVE TO RELENQUISH ALL RIGHTS TO VENTURE HOME NEWS! IT ALSO SAYS THAT YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP YOUR IMMORTAL SOUL!

Dean: Oh my God! That's terrible! Is there anyway I can get out of it?

Dr. Orpheus: Summon the one known as 24 to your office; he has an online degree in law from State University. He may know what's going on.

Dr. Orpheus goes back to the studio & does his weather report with Al & Jefferson. Dean has 24 come to his office for lunch and a social call. He has 24 look at the contract and 24 does a mega Gibbs slap on Dean.

24: There may be a way to get out of your contract Dean. I've been looking at all potential loopholes and I found some that might be beneficial to you.

Dean: Go on.....

24 has Dean call the Revenge Society as well as other rogue villains who happen to hate Reuben for destroying them. He hires them to do a point-counterpoint show with Brock, Col. Gathers, Shoreleave, & Hank. He also has Sgt. Hatred placed on supervised reporter status and is able to continue covering the trial with Dr. Mrs. The Monarch as his co-reporter.

Announcer: Ladies & gentlemen, tonight's Offer/Counteroffer Show features Professor Incorrigible, Phantom Limb, Fat Chance, & Manosaur as the Counteroffer side and Brock Samson, Colonel Hunter Gathers, Shoreleave, & Hank Venture as the Offer side. Tonight on the Offer/Counteroffer Show, the topic is lovers from the other side, do you make an offer or counteroffer?

Dr. Venture: Hello, I am your host Dr.Thaddeus Stevenson Venture and this is Offer/Counteroffer. Tonight's topic is a doozy one. It's all about lovers, whether is a villain loving a protagonist or a protagonist loving a villain we all have been there at some point in our lives. I myself had an intense crush on Mangleman's daughter Hortencia for many years; I even had several restraining orders as a result. Now then, let's meet our panelists shall we?

We go to the control booth where Dean, 24, Dr. Orpheus, Pete, Billy, Al, Jefferson, and Dr. Mrs. The Monarch are watching the show with immense anticipation that Brock will go overboard on somebody.

Phantom Limb: I'd like to make a counteroffer with the fact that few villains ever really begin a relationship with a protagonist and if they do its often mere teasing or joking around, you above all people should understand that quite thoroughly Mr. Samson. I mean, she never was going to sleep with you was she?

Brock gets a twitch in his eye and Hank runs away fast.

Professor Incorrigible: Why did that young Venture boy run away like he had a severe case of diarrhea? I hope he didn't eat a bunch of coffee beans again!

Brock flips the table and hits Phantom Limb with it. Phantom Limb uses his killing touch and kills the light crew. Brock & Shoreleave start going at the Revenge Society while Colonel Gathers goes after Manosaur. Dermott works the crowd into a feeding frenzy ala Jerry Springer.

Dr. Venture: Boys, calm down! Let's settle this like grown adults, not school age children! [hit in head by chair by Brock]

An epic battle rages on with many people in the audience killed. The studio is destroyed in the battle and VHN is taken off the air by the FCC. Reuben Murlock is fined 1.4 trillion dollars and is declared bankrupt as a result. The Venture clan is exonerated of all charges and 24 & Dr. Mrs. The Monarch are given community service.

We go to the end of the episode where its been six months since VHN was taken off the air. Dean has given all his money to charity, to the extreme dismay of Dr. Venture. Hank used his money to buy state of the art equipment and he, Dermott, H.E.L.P.er and Pete are currently on tour in the United States, Canada, and Mexico. Dr. Venture blew through his money in six weeks on drugs, booze, and hookers. No one told Sgt. Hatred that VHN was taken off the air and he has now joined Fox News Channel as a military specialist and a reporter.

Sgt. Hatred: The jury has reached a verdict on Malcolm Schnottlocker and he is not guilty of 48 counts of Murder 3, however, he is convicted of 1st degree DUI and possession with intent to sell. He'll be sentenced next week with a maximum sentence of 20 years possible in these convictions. How in the hell did he get off so light? I never----

Dean: I'm so sick of the news! I never want to see, hear, or do the news again!

Dr. Venture: Dean, you've never made me more proud than what----[knocked out by Dr. Orpheus]

Dr. Orpheus: Young Dean, you can still do the news, just don't sell your soul to the first guy who offers you a shitload of money like you did the last time. Here, let me help you get started with the best way you know how. [presents Dean with a brand new printing press and a team of reporters who'll help Dean do the Venture Home News right]

Dean: Wow, this is incredible, thank you Dr. Orpheus! [hugs him]

Dr. Orpheus: It's all right Dean. Now then, shall we get started?

Dean: You bet we'll get started. GO TEAM VENTURE!!!!

Feb. 25th, 2015

And The Award For Best Villain Goes To......

We start our episode with the Venture clan living in a 15-passenger van near the Venture River on which the former Venture Compound was located nearby. They first started out on the OSI ship but were kicked off when Dr. Venture stole a 10-year supply of morphine and Colonel Gather's personal alcohol stash. They then went to live with Pete and Billy but were kicked out after one day when Hank and Dr. Venture posted pictures of Billy in the nude on the web and Pete and Billy's trailer got raided as a possible child porn ringleader's place. They even attempted to live on Spider Skull Island but were kicked off when Dr. Venture stole a bunch of memorabillia to make up for the trouble he caused Pete and Billy.


The mailman comes to the passenger door and gives Dr. Venture his mail.....

Mailman: Here you go Dr. Venture. See you next week!

Dr. Venture: Oh great, now let's see what the mailman bringeth me this week. Death threat, death threat, death threat, bill, bill, bill, notice of lien on 15-passenger van, arrest warrant for failure to pay taxes for 20 years, restraining order, death threat for Hank, Fingerhut catalog, death threat for Dean, invitation to the Goodie awards. Hmmmm, since when does Dean get death threats?

Hank comes back from being at Dermott's house and sees the mail.

Hank: Cool! Another death threat for Dean! I hope its from Triana or that one girl he's been stalking on State University campus!

Dr. Venture: Aren't you concerned that your getting death threats Hank?

Hank: Nah, there's just funny letters with a lot of swearing and promises of violence and mayhem. [sees invitation to the Goodie awards] Cool! Are we going this year pop? I got nominated for Best Sidekick and you got nominated for Protagonist of the Year. By the way, what's a protagonist?

Dr. Venture: You got nominated? Since when did that happen?

Hank: A few weeks ago. You were all passed out from making that homemade chloroform you were gonna use to rob a convenience store.

Dr. Venture: Oh yeah I forgot, we needed grocery money.

Dean wakes up from his nap and sees the mail.

Dean: Oh man, another death threat! I wish they'd sign these things!

Dr. Venture: The point of a death threat Dean is there anonymous. I've been getting them since I was three years old and you don't see me complaining about them don't you?

Dean: Are we going to the Goodie awards this year? I'm up for Honorable Mention.

Dr. Venture: Dean, I've nominated for Protagonist of the Year 29 times in a row and haven't won once. All I do is come home, cry, and get drunk for three days.

Hank: You do that after coming home from the DMV.

Dr. Venture: Whatever Hank. We'll go to the Goodie awards if you two promise to clean out the van and hide it from the repo men.

Hank & Dean: GO TEAM VENTURE!

While the boys go out and find a place to hide the van from the repo men, we go to the OSI ship where Shoreleave is practicing his musical number for the Goodie awards.

Shoreleave: And five and six and seven and eight! [twirls into Al's arms]

Brock: See your practicing for the awards ceremony Shoreleave. Don't see why your trying so hard to impress people with that thing.

Shoreleave: Oh please Brockinator! Your just jealous because you can never host the thing again after what happened in 2000.

Brock: How was I supposed to know that those people were performing a musical number? They had some flashy costumes on there and some of them were Guild members!

Shoreleave: Who had reformed and joined the OSI Ballet School! Besides, how could mistake that travesty of a musical number for an attack on the Goodie awards? There hasn't been an attack on the Goodie awards since the height of the Pyramid Wars in the mid-70's! Now then, just go do your tai-chi thing Brockinator and get ready for some fun and excitement tomorrow night! [Brock leaves]


We go to the Monarch's place which has been completely restored to its former glory from the Monarch's childhood. The Monarch is eagerly awaiting the results of who will host the Villain Awards or VA's.

Monarch: Come on! Let it be me!

Announcer on TV: And the host for the 129th Annual Villain Awards is.....Dr. Henry Killinger!

Monarch: DAMNIT! [breaks the TV]

24: Sir, you really need to stop breaking those things! That's the fiftieth one this week! Your wife is gonna kill me for this!

Monarch: Your right 24. Just wish I could storm the Venture Compound like I used to. Now he's doing a pathetic attempt at being Matt Foley and there is only one Matt Foley!

24: You do know that the person who played him died in the late 90's, right?

Monarch: He died!? When was somebody gonna tell me this?

24: Oh my God, I can't take this crap today! 64, 72, be ready with the restraint hold on my signal!

Monarch: I don't need to be restrained 24! I-I--[starts breaking down]

24: One, two, three, now, now, now! [64 & 72 restrain him while 24 injects him with lots of morphine] Thank God! Good thing Dr. Venture sold me that morphine, wonder where he got it from though?


We come to the award ceremonies and a code white has been initiated to keep the peace and to prevent anyone from causing mayhem per an agreement in 2001.

Dr. Quymn: Hello everyone and welcome to the 129th Annual Goodie Awards! Were coming to you live from Palm Springs! Were being broadcast on NBC and OSI Network in HD. We have a star-studded evening ahead of us and several people have arrived on the red carpet already. Let's go see who's arrived!

[The Venture clan arrives via a tandem bike that Dr. Venture stole from an ice cream shoppe as the van was found and repossessed]

Dr. Quymn: It looks like the Venture family has arrived on what appears to be a tandem bike with pink fluorescent ribbons coming out from the handlebars. Wait a minute, is that bike stolen or something?

Dr. Venture quickly grabs the mic from Dr. Quymn.

Dr. Venture: No,no Tara. It was given to us by an anonymous donor after our van suddenly disappeared.

Dr. Quymn: That certainly is a nice gesture Rusty, your family has been through a lot lately. Now then, who are you wearing?

Dr. Venture: Well Tara, its a little number I whipped up for myself. It only took 3--

Dr. Quymn: Did you make that out of real Zebras?

Dr. Venture[nervous]: No Tara, why would I do that? That would be terrible, not to mention highly illegal and unethical! Gotta go! [runs away fast]

Dr. Quymn: Next up, is Hank Venture who is wearing something that my high school boyfriend took me to prom in. Tell me Hank, how did you come by this powder blue tuxedo and white penny loafer shoes?

Hank: Dad managed to save the time machine and we went back to some guy's closet in 1975 and stole a bunch of clothes. Did you see the tuxedo my dad made from 3 Zebras? He even made a necklace out of their teeth that he's giving you after the show! [walks off]

Dr. Quymn: Oh dear God. Let's get on with it. Next up is Dean Venture who is wearing something that Elton John would wear at a concert. Did you come by this silver sequin tuxedo the same way your brother came by his evening wear?

Dean: I'm the only one who came by their attire by legitimate means. I went to Jo-Ann Fabrics and bought it a little while ago. I even bought the material the Monarch needed for his tuxedo as part of the code white initiative agreement.

Dr. Quymn: I'm glad one of you is decent and has a good head on their shoulders. Now then, let's see who else has arrived.....

While Dr. Quymn continues the fashion ceremony, we go down to the Villain Awards, where Dr. Mrs. The Monarch is doing the fashion commentary.

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: We welcome you to the 129th Annual Villain Awards from sunny Key West, Florida. Were being broadcast on Guild Force 1 and CBS and were sponsored by the following products: Guild Force 1, Pepsi, The Evil Eye Flea Market Brigade, Papa Murphy's, Subway, Incantations-R-Us, Coldstone Creamery, Olive Garden, Crooked Louie's House of Horrors, Allstate, Wendy's, Guild Insurance Agency, Lord Arroquay's Medevial Games(August 14-21 at the Riverside Convention Center in Malice), Dunkin Donuts, Culver's, Hardee's, Evil Eye Cafe, Red Lobster, Razor Chuck's Murder Academy, and Yoplait. We have a wonderful evening planned out for us here and we can't wait for the festivities to begin! We have some arrivals on the black carpet! Let's see what the villains have cooked up for us this year!

[Monarch and 24 arrive via the cocoon]

Monarch: Hey everybody! Hi sweetie! Look what I came up with!

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: What the hell is that Malcolm?

Monarch: It's a butterfly-print tuxedo with a red sequined spinning bowtie. It was the only thing I had that fit me.

24: Actually, Sheila, your husband made this a few days ago while recouperating at the Guild Asylum as part of arts and crafts time. I wanna give a big shout out to Dean Venture who bought the material used to make this as part of the code white initiative agreement. Thanks buddy!

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Whatever. 24, why are you wearing such a ridiculous outfit? Your scaring people here and that's pretty difficult to do being that there villains!

24: It was the only thing I could get in a size 6X!

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: I'll buy that. By the way, no more snacks for you! [24 groans]

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Let's just get this over with so I can get drunk at the after-party. Next up is Professor Incorrigible, formerly known as Professor Impossible who is wearing something my dad wore the night he left me and my sister to fend for ourselves for three days while he went out on a bender at Studio 54. Do I even wanna know why your wearing this?

Professor Incorrigible: It's the same outfit I wore to my high school prom! Now if you excuse me, I need to do some shadow dancing!

Phantom Limb: Don't mind him, he did a lot of coke on the way here. As for me, I'm wearing Armani.

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Great, whatever. We'll be back after these commercials! [camera goes off]

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: I'm not doing this again next year! This is beyond degrading!


We go to the Goodie Awards in Palm Springs where we see the opening ceremony in which Shoreleave does a number on the life of a member of OSI. Shoreleave then presents the award for Most Villain Kills, an award that goes out to the protagonist who has killed the most villains that year.

Shoreleave: And your nominees for Most Villain Kills are.....Professor Smiley, Paulie the Parrot, Sgt. Hatred, Brock Samson, and Jefferson Twilight. [Al gives Shoreleave the envelope] The winner for Most Villain Kills is.....Brock Samson!

Brock goes up to accept the award and a seat filler starts hassling him about his hair. Brock quickly dispatches of him and brings his lifeless body up with him to accept the award.

Brock: I wanna thank the academy, my mom, my brother whose in Heaven, Dr. Venture, Colonel Gathers, Shoreleave, Dr. Orpheus, Hank, Dean,---[orchestra music starts playing, kills the conductor with a diamond encrusted boomerang], Sky Pilot, the Order of the Triad, and--DAMNIT! I KNOW IT! I KNEW I HAD IT WRITTEN DOWN SOMEWHERE![kills the next presenter with his bare hands, walks off stage]

Shoreleave: Okay....looks like I'll be presenting the award for Most Reformed Villain as well. Our nominees for Most Reformed Villain are---

We go to the Villain Awards where things are going much better. Joseph and His Amazing Nightmare Technicolor Dreamcoat did a fantastic opening number on the joys of being a villain and Fat Chance won an award for Best Thief.

Phantom Limb presents the award for Most Corrupted Protagonist.

Phantom Limb: Our nominees for Most Corrupted Protagonist are.....Professor Incorrigible, Twinkles the Clown, Wally Wizard, Ling-Ling The Flying Crane Machine, and Dr. Dewberry. And the winner for Most Corrupted Protagonist is....Professor Incorrigible!

Professor Incorrigible makes his way up to the stage but the effects of all the cocaine he snorted start getting to him.

Professor Incorrigible: Wow is it hot up here or what? I wanna thank my team members, the ninja squad that's currently surrounding me with blow guns, the academy, disco music, the drug lords of South America, money, Phantom Limb, and make sure to support your local arms dealer, buy local!

Voiceover: And now to present our next award for Most Protagonist Kills, Red Dragon!

Red Dragon: Thank you! Tonight we celebrate a year in which music history was made with the appearance of The Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show, an event which would change the course of history for years to come[councilman 3 cuts him off]

Councilman 3: Oh shut up already! Were at the Villain Awards, not the Grammy Awards! The nominees for Most Protagonist Kills are----


We go back to the Goodie Awards where the following awards have been given: Sgt. Hatred got Most Reformed Villain(followed by a 20 minute speech about Princess Tinyfeet), Dr. Orpheus got Most Charitable, and Pete White got Newest Sidekick(followed by comments on his bright fuschia tuxedo and royal blue frilly shirt a la Seinfeld). Dr. Venture is giving the Lifetime Protagonist Award next and is backstage with Billy.

Dr. Venture: How is thing even funded anymore? RadioShack was our last sponsor and they pulled out after they declared bankruptcy.

Billy: To be honest with you, I'm pretty sure its not legal. We can't even replace the orchestra after Brock killed the conductor and we have to settle for Pete and a kazoo band made up of 3rd graders, its absolutely appalling. By the way, your zebra tuxedo is starting to smell.

Dr. Venture: I know. I'm hoping Hank comes by with another tuxedo. [Hank comes by with another tuxedo made of owl feathers]

Billy: Do you have any idea how endangered those owls you made that tuxedo out of are?

Dr. Venture: There's a few hundred left, they'll be fine. [sees a backstage reporter filming them] Run along now Billy, you won't want to miss the show! [Dr. V runs to the dressing room]

We go backstage to the Villain Awards where the Monarch is set to give out the Lifetime Villainy Award.

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Don't worry Monarch, you'll be okay.

Monarch: Wish I had some Xanax or something to take the edge off.

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: No way! Not after what happened in '99! Your lucky were even allowed to be here and that they only banned you from hosting.

24: General rule of thumb for when your at a rave club; if a person gives you a pill and they say its aspirin, its definitely not aspirin. I'm still surprised you survived ingesting all that Ecstasy and that you didn't get charged with anything.

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: You and me both 24. Now then, get out there and make me proud.

Monarch goes onsatge and delivers the Lifetime Villainy Award.

Monarch: G-g-good evening ladies and gentlemen. Tonight we honor one of our own with the Lifetime Villainy Award. This award goes out to the one villain who stands out above the rest and kills as many people as humanly possible. This year's recipient is none other than Dr. Z! Come on up here old man and get your prize!

Dr. Z comes up and elbows Monarch in the groin after receiving the award.

Dr. Z: Thank you young whippersnapper. This is a great honor--

24[backstage]: Should we get him?

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Nah, let the Monarch have his 15 minutes of fame even if its agonizing in pain after being elbowed in the groin with an award made of solid gold. Besides, I'm pissed at him for how he's been behaving these past few weeks. I got you an invite to Dr.Z's after-party.

24: Sweet! He always throws the best parties!

We go back to the Goodie Awards where Colonel Gentlemen thrashed Dr. Venture for wearing his owl tuxedo and for trying to take the Lifetime Protagonist Award away from him. Fake Ghost Pirate won the Most Valuable Protagonist award(followed by a 45 minute speech about the late Dr. Jonas Venture Jr. and comments about his 1700's pirate gear), the memorial reel went out and it lasted nearly an hour(Brock killed 3/4ths of the people on the reel because of friendly fire or because he was pissed at them), The Order of the Triad won Best Original Exit, Team Ventronic won Best Original Entrance, and Team Venture: The Movie won Best Protagonist-based Film.

Dean: It is my pleasure and privilege to present to you this year's Best Mid-way Musical Number which is entitled "Fashion Whore". Please welcome Shallow Gravy! [walks off stage]

Dean[backstage]: Who the hell picked them to be the winner? I think Daisy Rae-Rae's version of Color Me Rainbow was much better!

Dr. Venture: Dean, your mic's on.

Dean: I don't care! Still don't think they should've won!

Dr. Venture: I hear you son. It's only gonna encourage Hank and Dermott to be ruffians. By the way Shoreleave, how are the ratings going for the show?

Shoreleave: The series finale of Punky Brewster had more viewers than we have; at this point, we could go out there nude and take a shit on those 3rd graders and no one would know or care.

Hank and Dermott go backstage after singing the winning song and show them the YouTube clips.

Hank: Dermott's sister Nikki showed me the YouTube page and were all over the place!

Dr. Venture: I have a plan as to how to get more ratings, follow me!

Shoreleave: Let me see that Hank. [Sees the clips] Are you kidding me? My musical number with Al has less views than Jefferson Twilight's horrific allergic reaction to a bee sting on the red carpet? [Throws the IPad down in disgust]

We go to the Villain Awards where the last three awards are to be presented. Ghost Boy 2.0 got Newest Henchman, 24 got Best Henchman(followed by a 30 minute speech about 21), Phantom Limb got Most Protagonist Kills, Daffy Duck got Best Kidnapper(he finally won after being nominated 40 times in a row), Revenge Society got Best Original Exit, Joseph & His Amazing Nightmare Technicolor Dreamcoat got Best Original Entrance, Baron Underbheit got Best Murderer, Indiana Jones & the Monarchs of Doom got Best villain-based film, and Brick Frog got Honorable Mention.

Dr. Henry Killinger: And now we come to the final three awards. These three award winners will get a two weeks vacation to the Guild Resort in the Bahamas plus 50,000 dollars spending cash in addition to not having to clean up any major incident or catastrophe should a protagonist cause damage to any Guild-owned facility for the next year. Now then, may I have the envelopes please. Thank you. The presenter for the Psychotic Villain of the Year is himself having a nervous breakdown as we speak. Therefore, I will announce the winner by transporting him up here: here he is the Monarch.

Monarch: What the hell just happened? Holy shit! I did it! I did it! I won! Yesss!!!!(does cartwheels for 10 minutes)

24: I can see why he was never picked for anything team-related in school.

Dr. Killinger transports him back to his seat and gives him a slight sedative.

Voiceover: And now to present the award for Best Team, your winner for this year's Best Henchman, Gary Viceroy, known better as 24.

24: Thank you. This award speaks volumes in terms of professionalism as well as the team protagonists fear the most. The nominees for Best Team are....Dastardly&Muttley, Monarch & Dr. Mrs. The Monarch, The Klausenheimers, Man-O-Puss and His Trained Sea Urchins, and T.C. & the Gang. The winner for Best Team is.....Dastardly & Muttley.

Monarch, still groggy from the sedative, gets up as Dastardly & Muttley are doing their speech and pulls a Kanye West.

Monarch: How in the hell do you give these has-beens this award? These two haven't been relevant since the mid-fucking 70's and Dastardly just got out of rehab for the fifth time in 10 years! I think my wife and I should've gotten this award, not these two old timers! Muttley hasn't been able to do much of anything since the late 80's when cancer took his ability to speak away and he wasted that lung transplant he received in 2008; that's why my wife and I should've gotten this award, not these two clowns![tasered by 24]

24: Sorry, I would've tasered him sooner if the thing was working right. Better get Dr. Alvarez on the phone. [drags Monarch off stage]

Dr. Killinger: And now the moment you've all been waiting for. The award for Villain of the Year goes to----


We come to the end of the episode where Dr. Mrs. The Monarch won Villain of the Year and the Villain Awards was a ratings hit with over 102 million people in the United States watching it and close to 3 billion people watching it worldwide. The Goodie Awards however were a complete disaster with only 3.5 million people in the United States watching and less than 20 million people watching it worldwide. The Goodie Awards have been put on hold indefinitely after Dr. Venture was caught trying to siphon money from the people who fund the Goodie Awards and putting it in an offshore account in the Cayman Islands. Dean Venture got Honorable Mention, Master Billy Quizboy got Newest Protagonist, Team Ventronic got Best Team(followed by Dr. Venture going into tirade mode), and Dr. Venture finally got Protagonist of the Year. Dr. Z threw an epic after-party that 24 got to enjoy after he strapped Monarch to a chair, rang the Guild Asylum doorbell, and ran(Brock & Colonel Gentlemen also went to that party as he and Colonel Gentlemen are the only protagonists that are allowed to go there), Dr. Venture got arrested for all the poaching he did and is awaiting trial, and Hank is visiting him jail.

Hank: Hey pop! Here's the award you got at the Goodie Awards!

Dr. Venture: Better take it with you, I don't think they'll like the fact that its made of pure ivory. It's the one thing I like about the Goodie Awards; you get to pick what your award is made out of.

Hank: I know, I had mine made out of pot leaves and licorice. I hope the trial goes good for you, when does it begin?

Dr. Venture: Next week. I wonder if Tara got my zebra tooth necklace after the awards show.

Hank: Don't worry pop; its all taken care of.

Dr. Venture: That's my boy. [buzzer goes off] Oh boy, better hurry. Inspection is about to begin. Gotta run, see you next week at the trial son! [carted off by guards]

Hank: I wonder how much I'll get for this on Ebay[pulls out celebrity memorabillia that Dr. Venture smuggled to the visiting room by shoving it up his ass]. I'll see if Dermott wants in, he kept getting mistaken for Elmer Fudd at that thing because of the hunting gear he had on. [walks out of visiting center]

Dec. 11th, 2014

A Venture To The North Pole

We start our episode a few weeks from Christmas day. Hank & Dean are busy writing out their Christmas lists while Sgt. Hatred is busy decorating the house and Dr. Venture is working in the lab on a new government contract. Brock has just cut down the annual Venture Christmas tree and is making his way to the compound when all hell breaks loose....

Monarch on a megaphone: SAMSON! SAMSON! OH SAMSON! OLLY OLLY OXENFREE! COME OUT, COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE!

Brock[does a facepalm]: I'm right here Monarch! I'm like 50 feet from you! Haven't you ever heard of glasses or LASIK or something?

Monarch[irritated]: MINIONS! ATTACK!

A huge battle ensues in which the Monarch has unleashed a new robot warrior known as the Butterfly Mech 2000. Brock manages to get in a few hits before the Butterfly Mech 2000 unleashes a super-charged radioactive ray at Brock, critically injuring him & causing an earthquake to affect the compound.

Sgt. Hatred: EARTHQUAKE! INTO THE PANIC ROOM NOW!

Hank & Dean barely make it out of their room and end up tumbling down the stairs. Sgt. Hatred & Dr. Venture make it to the panic room where they stay for some time. A few hours later, they come out and survey the damage.

Dr. Venture: Wow! There hasn't been one that big since the underground nuclear tests my dad performed here in 1973. Would you look at this place? I'm gonna need help cleaning this place up before the general comes by next week for a status check-up on that contract. Brock! Come in Brock! There's been an earthquake here & I need help cleaning up the place! Brock! Brock! Brock! Oh shit, he might be hurt. Boys! Go find Brock for me! Boys! Boys!

Sgt. Hatred locates the boys and alerts Dr. Venture.

Sgt. Hatred: Hey Doc! I found the boys and Dean's pretty shaken up. Hank broke his wrist & Dean's Geiger counter is going off for some reason.

Dr. Venture: Damnit! Must've hit the nuclear reactor my dad installed that day in '73. Get a radioactive suit on & you and Dean check the reactor.

Sgt. Hatred: What about Hank?

Dr. Venture: Bring him to the lab & I'll take care of it.

Dean & Sgt. Hatred get radioactive suits on and check the reactor which experienced no damage. They scout around awhile & find Brock who is showing signs of radiation poisoning.

Dean: BROCK! [goes to check on him, Brock pushes him away]

Brock[communicator with Colonel Gathers]: Code Bright-Light, repeat Code Bright-Light!

Colonel Gathers: Good lord Samson! What did you do, try to deep fry a turkey in a nuclear reactor again?

Brock: No sir. Monarch had this Butterfly Mech 2000 fire a radioactive ray at me. There's no way he did on his own; he's not smart enough to do so. [passes out]

Colonel Gathers: Damnit Samson! All right troops, listen up! Were to find this Monarch fellow & bring him in interrogation & destroy whatever this Butterfly Mech 2000 thing is. Shoreleave, you are to extract Samson & get him to hyperbalm chamber immediately! I have to make a phonecall to someone who might know what were dealing with. Dismissed! [everyone goes their separate ways]

Shoreleave arrives a short time later & picks up Brock.

Shoreleave: So what happened here, did Brock Lobster piss off the local Boy Scout master again or something?

Sgt. Hatred: No, none of that malarky; besides that Boy Scout master was hepped up on PCP, not a supervillain. Sounds like Monarch hired a real egghead this time to cook up this Butterfly Mech 2000; usually he buys these things off of Craigslist.

Shoreleave: Okay, I'll take it from here. Yo-SI! [hauls Brock onto a helicopter, flies away]

Sgt. Hatred: It's okay Dean, Brock will bounce back before you know it. Now we have to find someone to play Santa this year.

Dean: Brock is Santa!?

Sgt. Hatred: Oh shit. Okay Dean, you and I need to have a little talk.

Sgt. Hatred explains to Dean the true meaning of Santa & Dean runs home in tears. He sees Hank who has been fitted with a ducktape cast.

Dean[sobbing]: Hank! I have something to tell you! Santa isn't real! [breaks down crying]

Hank: That's impossible Dean! Santa is real & I know it! [storms off & locks the room]

Hank cries softly into his pillow for awhile & Dermott comes in through the window.

Dermott: What's the matter Hank? Did your sister Deanielle get you in trouble again?

Hank: Dean told me that Santa isn't real. Is that true Dermott?

Dermott: Seriously? You didn't know he wasn't real? Oh man do we have a lot to talk about.

Dermott tells Hank about the true meaning of Santa and is completely devastated. Meanwhile, in Dr. Orpheus's house, a strange glow appears before him.

Dr. Orpheus: What is that strange glow? [walks towards the glow & sees a shadow come out]

Dr. Orpheus: Is that what I think it is? Great Scott, it is! It's the Christmas spirit that dwells in this house & its in demonic form! [runs to safety & gets the Master]

Master: Orpheus! What are doing here? Your usually all Christmasy & wearing such hideous sweaters; that last one made me have a seizure.

Dr. Orpheus: Master! The Christmas spirit that dwells in this house is in demonic form! Its as if Hecate, Krampus, Ebenezer Scrooge, Mephisto, & Lucifer had a baby together!

Master: First of all Orpheus, that is theoretically impossible. Second, you know Krampus can't be within 50 feet of Hecate per the terms of their divorce agreement; that's why he's stuck with me this Christmas. Third, you need to banish that thing before it consumes everyone, including me your beloved Master as I live in your closet & can't leave here under any circumstances!

Dr.Orpheus: That's just the thing, I can't!

Master: Okay, let me look at my contacts & see what I can do. Your welcome to read a magazine in the waiting room & there's plenty of tea & cocoa for you.

While Dr. Orpheus waits patiently for the Master to come up with a solution; the evil spirit slowly closes in on the Venture Compound.

Dr. Venture: Orpheus! There's an evil spirit here! Do something about it! Orpheus! Damnit!

Three weeks go by & things are somewhat getting back to normal. The compound is repaired & Dr. Venture is able to give the general a status check-up on the contract, but not before getting possessed by the emulation of Ebenezer Scrooge. Dr. Venture decides to go to Vegas instead of his usual holiday activity with Pete & Billy in which they sing Christmas carols to the orphans at a nearby shelter outside of town. Sgt. Hatred becomes possessed by an emulation of Lucifer & decides to start molesting boys via 'special Christmas party' throughout the tri-state area. Dean has also started acting strangely after becoming possessed by Mephisto & goes off to Europe to terrorize people, leaving Hank alone on Christmas eve.

Hank: This blows! This is the worst Christmas eve ever! Dad, Sgt. Hatred, & Dean are possessed by alien people, Brock is sick in Intensive Care, Pete & Billy won't talk to me, Dr. Orpheus is nowehere to be seen, the Monarch's stormed the place like three times, and there's no food in the fridge! [breaks down crying, lifts head up when Santa appears]

Hank: Santa? Your real?

Santa: Indeed I am boy! Henry, the reason why that horrible monster is slowly consuming the house is because no one believes in me anymore. When you & Dean turned your backs on me, the spirit that had been building over the years was finally unleashed from its hellhole. Dr. Orpheus has done all he can to stop it, but even he is too weak to stop that evil thing. Henry Allen Venture, will you help get rid of that evil thing & send it straight to hell from which it came?

Hank: Sir, yes, sir!

Santa: Okay boys! Suit up!

Hank is outfitted with a special Christmas suit which comprises of the ugliest known Christmas sweater to man, a pair of reindeer pajama pants, elf slippers, an elf hat, and an endless supply of candy canes.

Santa: Please don't eat all the candy canes Henry.

Hank: Sorry sir. [throws up candy canes]

Santa gets Brock out of Intensive Care & heals him better than ever. He then gets Brock into his Santa suit & has Brock pay his licensure fee to continue to be able to wear the Santa suit.

Brock: Thanks Santa.

Santa: Anytime Brock. Now then, let's pay this Monarch fella a visit.

Santa, Hank & Brock infiltrate the cocoon and wrangle up Monarch.

Santa: Malcolm? Malcolm Sylvester Schnottlocker? I haven't seen you in years! How's it been my boy?

Monarch: I'm okay, I guess. Did you get my Christmas list this year?

Santa: Of course I did Malcolm. Is Gary Viceroy still with you? And, Sheila?

24: Right here Santa!

Dr. Mrs. The Monarch: Right here Santa! I wasn't expecting you til the New Years party! You did get my invite, right?

Monarch: Oh crap, I knew there was something I forgot to do.

Santa: That's alright Malcolm. Right now, I need you three to help us save Christmas before an evil spirit kills us all. We'll need to get to the North Pole & get the heavy artillery for this one.

24: Got the coordinates all locked & loaded Santa!

Monarch: 24, engage!

The cocoon goes to the North Pole & Santa takes them to his underground lair.

Santa[on intercom]: Boys! This is not a drill! Code Black-Out, I repeat, Code Black-Out!

Elves: You him fellas! [all do a battle cry & suit up for the impending doom]

A short time later, Santa brings in Al, Jefferson Twilight, Dr. Orpheus, and the Master who was able to put in a prototype humanoid suit which allowed him to leave the closet.

Santa: Everybody ready?

All: Yes Santa!

They head out of Santa's workshop & see Team Ventronic there along with Dr. Venture & the X-1.

Hank: How did you get dad back to normal?

Jonas Jr: Easy, I made him eat fruitcake & ribbon candy non-stop for an hour. By the way, you should have him checked for a nut allergy.

Hank: That's good enough for me!

Santa: All right boys, let's kick some ho-ho-holiday ass!

Everyone descends on the Venture Compound where an epic battle ensues. Many elves & henchman are lost in the battle and Sgt. Hatred is brought back to normal when he gets what he's always wanted: an evening with Princess Tinyfeet & his very own Alvin & the Chipmunks LP. The battle continues for quite some time and it comes down to Dean.

Dr. Orpheus: Mephisto! Let the boy go!

Mephisto: Never! Baron Mordo, attack!

Brock: Seriously?

Dr. Orpheus summons Dr. Strange and the two of them seal Baron Mordo in hell. Mephisto summons other demons, but they are defeated one by one. As the hours draw near, Santa delivers an ultimatum to Dean.

Santa: Dean! I know your in there! You have to believe in me; its the only way to save Christmas!

Dean: I-I-I--

Mephisto: Don't listen to them, you know happened last time!

Dr. Orpheus: Dean! Listen to me! You must believe!

Dr. Venture: He's right Dean! It's the only way save Christmas and our home!

Sgt. Hatred: Come on Dean, the fate of humanity is on your shoulders, again!

Monarch: I can't believe I'm going to say this but here it goes. GO TEAM VENTURE! Now slay that asshole Dean!

A stalemate ensues which causes Santa to be late on his delivery schedule.

Santa: This has gone far enough! I'm late with delivering presents to the good boys & girls! What if we came to some sort of deal Mephisto?

Mephisto: I'm listening.....

We come to the end of the episode where we see that things have turned out to be okay for the most part. Dr. Venture got an upgrade to the nuclear reactor which his dad installed in '73 so now its only a 40% chance of a core meltdown instead of an 86% chance like it was before. Hank got a brand new scooter & a commemorative plaque for saving humanity and Christmas. Sgt. Hatred was able to claim severe mental disturbance with his trial and ordered to 200 hours of community service & a year of house arrest. Brock got to have sex with every model in the world twice. Shoreleave got a paid vacation to a male-only resort in the Bahamas. 24 got every limited & rare edition comic, action figure, & merchandise ever created. Colonel Gathers got the go-ahead to become a woman again & this time it'll be permanent. Pete got a ukelele and Billy got every conceivable merchandise of The Rusty Venture Show ever created. Al got to go with Shoreleave & they got married in the Bahamas. Jefferson Twilight got to see his mom again & is allowed to spend the day with her on his birthday & Christmas every year for the rest of his life. Monarch got unlimited funding to take down Dr. Venture courtesy of an undisclosed will from his great-grandfather which made him sole heir of the world's steel and oil, Dr. Mrs. Monarch got the news that she is expecting a baby, followed by Monarch dropping to the fetal position, and now we come to Dean....

Dr. Venture: Look on the bright side Dean, at least you have your heart & brain.

Dean: But why did I have to do that thing pop?

Dr. Venture: It was that or all of humanity would've been enslaved & you would've ruined Christmas for all eternity.

Dr. Venture looks at the paper Dean got.

Dr. Venture: Oh boy, Dean, you better read the fine print on this thing. Selling your soul is a big deal these days, I should know.

Dr. Venture & Dean read the fine print on the paper & we come to H. Jon Benjamin who has been reading the tale from a book, which he promptly burns in the fireplace.

H. Jon Benjamin: And that kids is why Christmas sucks.

Nov. 22nd, 2014

New Chapter In Life

I managed to make it through the summer & the rather short fall that we had without major incidents happening at my mom's house. I have some good news as well as some news of a new adventure in my life that will take place in 2016.

The good news: I have a place of my own in Mankato! I'm moving into a section 8 building that's close to downtown. It's cleaner, safer, & cheaper than the last place I was at & its on a busline. I have friends in the building & my best friend lives in another building a block north of me. I move there on the first weekend in December. I'm really happy that I'll be in my own place again & my cat Zipper is happy that it'll be just the two of us again. It'll be bittersweet however because its been nice having another human to talk to on a daily basis & my cat can't carry on a conversation like a human can. It'll also be bittersweet for another reason(that's where the adventure part comes in).

The adventure news: I'll be moving to Utah in 2016 after my term in SABE is up. This was a difficult decision that took a lot of thinking & planning. It also involved a lot of discussion from family & friends and I'm glad that I have the support of my family & friends with this next endeavour. This decision came about after I endured some really pressing & upsetting news regarding my self-advocacy endeavours & because I refuse to be a puppet for an organization. It all started about 3 and a half years ago when I saw several contracts in which the numbers didn't look right & I saw that the Calculated Contract Rate had been altered on both a state & federal level(its used to determine how much money to give a non-profit organization in terms of grants, contracts, and the like). I went to two of the highest ranking self-advocacy personnel in the state because I was worried that something unethical and/or illegal was going on & I wanted to let them know about it so that they could do something about it & not have a major ripple effect happen which could envelop any & all non-profit organization that used grants or contracts to do things. I wasn't prepared for their response. Little by little I was no longer allowed to participate in anything related to self-advocacy & when I said anything about it, it got worse. I also refused to be their puppet & pointed out their hypocrisy many times. Within a years time, I'd been relegated to 'photo-op self-advocate' & I had no idea that the reason I got into SABE was because the person who'd done it before me had also been cast aside because she questioned something & they didn't like it. I also refused to be their eyes & ears on SABE things(they wanted me to do whatever several advisors who were good friends with them wanted)& when I told them no more, they turned around & got my funding cut for when the 2016 election come around. I also lost any & all backing I had and they've all turned their attention to Nate Clark as he will do whatever they tell him to do without question. After that, I decided that I've had enough with Minnesota; especially after I found out that the laws pertaining these kinds of things are unbelievably lax in Minnesota & that the only way someone gets investigated is if something criminally heinous happens(i.e. murder). I told my family what's been happening & were all in agreement that I should leave Minnesota as its time for me to spread my wings & fly & its also time for me to make new connections in an area where those two don't have any connections or fingers in the pie. My cousin in Salt Lake City is willing to help me make the transition to Utah smooth & is already helping me look for a job & for affordable/safe housing. There isn't much of a love-loss for me when it comes to Minnesota; especially after all the self-advocacy things I'm going. I will miss my family & friends dearly, however, I need to be in a place where I'm not looking over my shoulder wondering who I'll piss off next or what thing have I been banned from this time(I'm officially blackballed from all self-advocacy organizations effective January 1,2016 because of all this shit I've been going through). I need to be in a place where I'm welcomed with open arms & where I'll be able to make a fresh start in life. I need to leave all the muck & guck I've been enduring behind & go where I won't have to endure all the shit I've been enduring for nearly 4 years. I need a new beginning & a new start on life. I need a new adventure & I need to write the next chapter in my life someplace new, someplace fresh, & someplace welcoming.

May. 11th, 2014

Can This Year Be Over With Yet?

I know its been awhile since I wrote anything here, however, things have been busy. I have good news and bad news. I'll write about the good news first as that's the only thing that's been keeping me going since the end of January.

The good news is I'm engaged! I got engaged on the last day of January. Here's how it happened: David called me one evening and asked me if I wanted to marry him. I thought he was messing with me because we'd been talking about getting married for awhile and nothing had come of it so I was like 'yeah, yeah okay whatever'. David came over a few days later with his favorite movie for movie night. The movie was National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. We'd come up to the part where they cut the turkey and David insisted on pausing the movie. I thought it was because he needed to go to the bathroom, however, when he got back, he got down on one knee and proposed(this was followed by me helping him up because he got down on his bad knee). We have a date set, its April 30, 2016. We want to do it right and not rush through it. Our colors are blue and black and the wedding party is picked out.

Here's how the wedding party looks like:
Maid of honor-my cousin Janelle
4 bridesmaids
1. My cousin Elizabeth(Liz)
2. My oldest niece Chasyti
3. My friend Amy Jo
4. My friend Bridget
Best man-David's friend Mason(they've known each other since they were 6 years old)
4 groomsmen
1. David's good friend Darin
2. My brother Jonathon(Jon)
3. Amy Jo's fiance Nathan(also good friends with David)
4. David's friend Jason
4 ushers
1. My oldest nephew Jonathon(Scrinney)
2. My second oldest nephew Darren
3. My cousin Christopher
4. My youngest nephew Dakota
Ring bearer-My 2nd cousin Emmit(he was born 3 months premature in February with CMV & his mother Tangarae will assist him; especially since there's good chance he'll have disabilities)
2 flower girls
1. My youngest niece Kaylee
2. David's daughter Lilly(she's only a month older than Kaylee)

I'm pretty sure there's more people we'll have to add to the wedding party as I've inundated with things related to the wedding party since mid-March. I have several attendants picked out all ready and I've been pricing things so that we can keep things inexpensive and still practical. I also have my wedding dress picked out: I'm going to be using my mom's wedding dress and my brother's new step-mom in-law(he got married March 14th)does alterations so I'll be able to get it sized to fit me and I won't have to pay an arm and a leg for it. I've also picked out my bridesmaid dress(I've got it written down so that the girls can get them within the next several months)and the tuxedo place will us rent out tuxedos. The style of the tuxedo is Twilight and its in heather grey(it didn't look that good in black or steel grey and I'm not a fan of white tuxedos)with a white dress shirt and the vest and bowtie are colored cornflower sterling along with white dress shoes(I've got it all written down so that when it comes time to rent them, we can do that and not have any problems). I've also set up two registries: One at Macy's and one at Target. I think that should be good, however, with how things are going, I'll probably set up another one. It may seem like I've gone psycho on the whole thing, however, if it was left up to David, here's how'd it go: 'Pick a day, we'll get married somewhere super cheap, we'll go to McDonald's for the reception, and we'll spend our honeymoon at that big truck stop in Nebraska'. I've actually resorted to making friendly bets with him on Words With Friends just so he'll get involved with the process more. So far I've won twice and he now has to come over once a month and go over wedding details/decisions as well as cook a meal and do the dishes; in addition to that, were also going house hunting this summer in his hometown of Elysian(Mankato has become very violent in the past few years and there's a lot of problems with meth, ecstasy, and heroin. David's hometown has less than a thousand people and David wants to go back to a nice, quiet atmosphere). The current game we have going goes like this: if I win, I get to pick where we go on our honeymoon and if he wins, he gets to pick where we go on our honeymoon. I know where I'd like to go for our honeymoon: there's an 8-day cruise that stops in Haiti, Jamaica, and Mexico and its really reasonable(I've also heard a lot of good things from Royal Caribbean).


Here comes the bad news. It started in December of last year when my self-advocacy job started becoming more and more like 'let's see how much money Carrie can get for our organization' and less and less on self-advocacy. While I understand that organizations need money to do their things, it shouldn't be the only thing their concentrating on. David wasn't able to get me anything for Christmas and he felt really bad about it, however, I didn't care because I'd rather have him get gifts for his daughter so that she can have a good Christmas. I got him some cologne and a carton of smokes and my mom and I cooked him beef stew and drank some beers and we had a good time. Then came January. I went to my SABE trip in Nashville and the airline I used to fly there had done a colossal fuck up and overbooked my seat several times(I had a layover in Charlotte going to and from Nashville). When I got to the terminal and checked myself in, I saw that I was overbooked and was bumped up to first class, however, I had to pay for it and there was no way I could get out of paying the fees. I also got relentless beratement from those on the board about why I wasn't going to the disability policy summit in April in D.C. and after several days of nonstop beratement, I couldn't take it anymore and signed up for it. It ended up getting me in a lot of trouble with the people who handle the budget for SABE and with the state of Minnesota. I ended up undergoing an ethics query into what happened and while I was cleared of any ethics violations, I did get screamed at something fierce and was told if I get overbooked again, I'm to wait til the next available plane so that I can keep my seat, even if I have to wait multiple days due to weather delays or what have you. In regards to the summit thing, I did get yelled at and was told that from now on, we'll play it by ear and if SABE gets mad at me or retaliates against me, they'll take care of it. Things looked better when David proposed to me, then I fucked things up by not performing well in the bedroom(I had a second inquiry in early February and was nervous as all get out)that evening and we haven't done anything since(he was pissed at me for quite awhile as I must've bruised his ego by performing well). February wasn't much better. I told people why I've always been fearful of the month of February and my mom went absolutely psycho on me and because of that, I'm even more reluctant to do anything with self-advocacy and I'm not allowed to state anything in any format unless she sees it the moment it happened(which means for example if David totally snaps one day and beats and/or rapes me and she wasn't there the moment it happened, I can't say or do anything about it because if I do try to do anything about or talk about it, I'll be put back in a group home and put on heavy doses of medication). It didn't help that David forgot Valentine's Day and my birthday(he called me at 9 PM and said 'oh yeah, happy birthday'), even though he knew about both of them for months(we were supposed to do a three day weekend at a motel because my birthday is three days after Valentine's Day). March was also a drag. My job was placated by winter being relentless which led to lots of cancellations and I was considered box-office poison to some extent after the inquiries. I decided to make my engagement public on Facebook because both families knew about it and neither side had any objections to us getting married. David had a huge cow about it and went ballistic on me because too many people were bothering him about it and because it'll mess things up with 'the team'(still not sure if he's referring to the Special Olympics team were on or if he's got a screw lose and I'm not aware of how big of an issue it is)so I made it so that only I see it on my Facebook page(it was better than what he wanted: he wanted me to put that I was single so that people would stop bothering him about it and so things will be good with 'the team' and 'the gang' and 'the crew' & so he can still have things be private between us; don't get me started on his weird ritualistic schedule that only someone with extreme OCD, paranoia schizophrenia, or autism would have). April really took a nosedive with everything. I went to a SABE meeting in Washington D.C. as well as the disability policy summit meeting. I met a lot of people and talked with my legislatures about how various laws and bills being considered will affect me and others with disabilities. The SABE meeting itself went well for a change(didn't think it'd ever happen to be honest with you) and I got to see my first baseball game(Nationals vs Marlins)which was a blast. Here's where things got shitty. The hotel we were staying in was only 2500 yards from the heart of the ghetto in D.C. and every time we got in a cab, we went right through the ghetto and we nearly got jumped by people once(everyone else was going 40 or 50 to get out of the ghetto and the cab driver purposely slowed down to less than 5 miles an hour). If you think that was bad, the person who was supposed to book our hotel rooms never did it so when we go there, we had no rooms and it was peak cherry blossom season! We nearly got kicked out, however, several groups helped us so that we could have a room there. I finally got my own room a few days later and I had to have a change in my room as the first one smelled funny and as I was looking in the drawers, I found heroin paraphanelia and a used needle(don't worry, I didn't touch either of them, I just called front desk right away and showed them what I found; they looked at me like it was no big deal and begrudgingly put me in another room). The second room had the same smell, however, it was the last room in the hotel and I didn't want to be kicked out of there as I didn't want to sleep on a park bench. Things were okay until the last day when we found cockroaches in the dining room area. I freaked out and ran up to my room and had my bag and everything I brought with me checked as I didn't want to bring them home with me. I had my bag extensively checked and thankfully there was no sign of bugs, eggs, or anything that would resemble them(knock on wood like no tomorrow). After that experience, I left all the lights on and was terrified all night about them. I washed everything as soon as I got home to make double sure nothing was brought home with me. The next day was even more scarier than the night before. I went to Taco Bell for lunch and several people went with me. They got stuck in the crosswalk and I went ahead. I was definitely not prepared for what was about to happen. As I got into the parking lot, I saw a man dressed all in black hold up another man dressed in a white t-shirt and black pants with a 40 caliber that had a silencer on it. I froze and did everything I could not to bring attention to myself. The man in the white t-shirt was then shot; once in the chest and once in the stomach, followed by a black SUV zooming in and picking the man up and whisking him away. The other guy got in his car and drove away. I ran into the Taco Bell and everyone was all nonchalant about everything while I was about to throw up after seeing everything. I was extremely nervous and tried to tell someone what I saw, but none of it made sense. I was told to get in line and after I dealt with the world's slowest cashier, proceeded to wait for my tacos. As I was getting my drink, I accidentally bumped into someone and I felt metal on his back. He bent down and I saw a gun taped behind on his back. There were six other people with him and they all had guns taped to their back(several of them were pretty obvious). A short time later, someone came in the restaurant and said 'there's some blood on the parking lot, what should we do about it?' I inhaled my food and ran out the door and back to the hotel(its the first time I've done anything majorly active like that since high school). After I calmed down, I talked with some people about what I saw and went to the police. The police officer was nonchalant about it as well and said it was most likely a gang-related incident and that I did the correct thing by not drawing attention to myself and that its best for me to go to the hotel, lie down, and forget about what I saw as there's little chance of them catching anyone because the video surveillance system was broken at that place and that its the third murder there this year. I'm still very reluctant to go to Taco Bell. Things calmed down til about a week ago when I got a notice that the apartment complex is no longer going to be section 8 and that my rent is going up to almost 500 a month and now I have to make hard choices because of budget issues. I know my family wants me to get rid of all utilities, my cell phone, and my cat(she'd get euthanized due to her age)as well as stop doing self-advocacy and get two full time jobs. Affordable housing is a major issue in Mankato and if you get into an affordable apartment, its a miracle. It really hasn't helped when my mom goes psycho on me because I started crying because of how overwhelming this is and called me everything from being a lazy lummox to being a waste of space to milking the system to a lazy stupid-ass whose self-advocacy job isn't something I shouldn't be doing because its not a lucrative career(most non-profit type jobs are major moneymakers, its that way by design for the most part). She did apologize for the lazy stupid-ass comment, however, I don't expect her to apologize her for anything else. I'm at the point now where I'm more than willing to pack a few clothes, get some toiletries, take Zipper in her pet carrier(with food, water, and paper for a makeshift litter box)and leave everything and everyone behind because I can't take it anymore and anything I say or do isn't good enough and it ends up blowing up in my face.

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