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venturia2010's Journal

17 February
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  • venturia2010@livejournal.com
My name is Carrie Varner. I'm 29 years old and I've recently moved to Mankato, Minnesota. I'm in the process of finding a new place to call home as Minnesota hasn't treated me kindly. I'd like to move out east, go to Russia, go to the United Kingdom, go to Australia, go to New Zealand, go to Japan, go to Thailand, or go to France, however, its a little hard when you only have a permit and you have a disability.

My disability doesn't affect me cognitively, only socially and somewhat physically. I have non-verbal learning disorder, a form of autism. It affects how I process non-verbal communication like guestures, body language, tone of voice, and other things similar to that. I also overcame a speech impediment and a rather severe form of dysgraphia, which is a learning disorder of writing. I have dyscalculia, which is a learning disorder of math and is very common with my disability along with the two things I overcame. My physical handicap is a mild form of cerebral palsy which affects the left side of my body. I had no idea I was afflicted until May of 2008. There is some debate as to whether I really I have it or not(one of the three or four running theme in my life: I don't find out stuff for many years and it usually involves lots of misdiagnoses).

Consequently, I also have mental illness due to a lifetime of abuse and beratement at the hands of my peers and those of an authority figure status that were supposed to be helping me(mainly teachers, county people, state people, parents of peers, counselors, psychiatrists,etc, etc, etc), its mainly in the form of depression and a secondary form of PTSD. I also deal with a mild form of schizophrenia(there's debate as to whether it really is schizophrenia or if its an unusual variant of my form of autism), which is superimposed by my disorder, genetics(my father had paranoia schizophrenia),and a congenital form of hypothyroidism which became auto-immune in my pre-teen years, causing me to stop growing at age 8 and for puberty to be done a year later. My thyroid problem wasn't discovered until I was 16 and it was confirmed to be congenital at age 24.

I have also become afraid of people due to the many social faux-pas I do. I also for some strange reason seem to attract crazy people as every relationship I've been except for two contained abuse of some kind, usually emotional or verbal, and some became physical. However, that doesn't mean I'm not interested in relationships. The person I'm looking for is someone who is tall(definitely comes in handy when your under 5 feet), witty, clever, intelligent, cunning, and charming(even if he uses his charm for unethical, unorthodox, may or may not be nefarious, possibly illegal, yep its illegal, heinously illegal, holy shit why aren't you on death row illegal, or how are you even remotely able to evade Interpol, the FBI, the CIA, and S.H.I.E.L.D with all the things you've done illegal ways, reasons, and schemes). I have several entries that go more into detail about everything I'm looking for(most are bordering on ranting and raving, another thing I tend to do a lot).

In terms of why I'd like to leave Minnesota so badly, it all started in 2006. I had lost my dad in August of 2005 from an aortic anuerysm. I had met someone in a group home named Andrew Riehs Jr. His disorder is Asperger's Syndrome, which is very similar to mine, however, it doesn't affect speech or coordination. His head of staff forced us to break up in October of that year as I was getting Andrew to realize that he was being abused and that because he was his own guardian and conservator, he could leave the home at any time, however, Andrew has a very hard time realizing it because he was abused throughout most of his life by his step-dad and has been convinced by many county and state people that he is worthless and that being abused in a group home is much better than abused in the real world(many people in group homes are convinced of that). The other main reason his head of staff forced us to break up was because we were getting serious and she and REM freaked out. REM is a group home organization that makes a lot of money. Each house has 4 people in it and each person is worth 100,000 dollars a year to REM, the county, and the state, and its tax-free. You can guess why no one ever makes it out of group homes. A year later, Andrew broke up with someone else and things were getting too steamy for REM's concern, so his head of staff sent out an e-mail stating that if either one of us goes near each other, Andrew faces tasering, restraints, medication, or moving to another location. So far they've only restrained him for the most part. It was almost impossible to go anywhere in Redwood Falls as he might go to the same place too and because Redwood Falls is a small town. Things became more intense in 2008. In December of that year, my mom was telling my former casemanager Kelly Hengel that I was doing much better mentally and that I wanted to move to Minot, North Dakota to be near family(the only reason I'm not there now is because after they found oil in North Dakota, things got very expensive). Kelly freaked out and a few days later, my mom and I were served with papers trying to make the county my guardian and conservator. We also found out in 2004 when the laws were changed, we were never notified about it and my mom and grandpa became my guardian/conservator. The whole family rallied around me and we fought the petiton hard. On February 26, 2009, at around 1:30 PM, I was allowed to be my own guardian. My uncle Leo is my conservator. Kelly flipped out and as a result I lost all social services, human services, and my job as it was a sheltered workshop funded by the county. I also found recently that because I was given partial capacity, I may still be put under guardianship should something happen to my uncle Leo and I know that the state is lying in wait for when that happens(I'd rather have my family, anyone I'd end up marrying, a celebrity, or even a homeless grifter be my guardian than anyone from the county or state should it be deemed that I still need to be put under partial capacity any day of the week).

Things were even starting as early as 2002 when I graduated high school and went to a one year course in college. I was placed in a group home and was subjected to extreme abuse by a roommate and after she was kicked out for trying to start my hair on fire(staff could no ignore or blame me for what was happening), my head of staff became the tormentor/abuser as that roommate was her favorite. I nearly died in May of 2003 from an allergic reaction to dilantin, which is an anti-seizure medication(epilepsy has been inconclusive in testing)and my head of staff knew about it and refused to give me medical treatment. She accused me of lying and ripped out phone and internet cables and had mail held and wouldn't let my roommates see or talk to anybody, especially family members. She became more enraged with me as I was standing up for myself and my roommates and if you've ever been in a group home, that's a huge no-no in their book. It started on a Monday(I was forced to continue taking the medication) and by Friday I had lost over 50 pounds from sweat. I also think I died at some point Thursday night as I had that big gasping affect you have when your revived. That afternoon, I went from 98.6 degrees to 104.9 degrees in 20 minutes. I was rushed to the doctor and was admitted. During my examination, I was subjected to two spinal taps as apparently hives is a major form of meningitis. The doctor wasn't paying attention as he hit one of my hives during the first test. I also had to be cathed and was even given a form of last rites as I wasn't expected to live much past late evening. My head of staff was never charged in it as I lived through it. I was told however, that had I died, it would've been ruled a homicide and that she 'may' have been charged with a gross misdemeanor(that was my 'comfort and solace' during the investigation by the group home company, the county, and state).

I know I must be here for something super important as I wasn't even supposed to be born. There has to be a huge reason why I'm here. It's the only thing I can think of as to why I've endured such cruelty and somehow managed to cheat death many many times. My mom was on bedrest for six months as she was spotting and had lost four babies before me. I was two and half weeks late and my umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck several times. I was also breech. My mom had an emergency C-section. During the first twenty-four hours, I lost my heart rate at least 3 times and my respiration rate twice.

My family consists of my mom, my late dad(I really miss him a lot),my brother Jon, my half-brother Jason, my half-sister Cara, and possibly many other half siblings as monogamy wasn't in my dad's vocabulary. I also have three cousins, three uncles(uncle Brett died in 2008 from pancreatic cancer), an aunt, my grandpa, my step-grandma(my grandma died in 1997 from a second bout of breast cancer that went to her liver),great-aunts, great-uncles, and many other relatives. I also have a cat named Zipper. She turns 16 on August 31st.

When it comes to hobbies, I love to write. I basically make lists and do some script type things. I'm leary of ever submitting them as I don't want someone to think I'm crazy or obsessed with them. I also like to read, do latch hook, listen to music, play on the computer, go for a walk, do stamped cross-stitch or simple needlepoint, and color.

I also like to watch TV and watch movies. My favorite show is The Venture Brothers. I'm a Venture Brothers junkie. I also like NCIS, Criminal Minds, Inuyasha, Full Metal Alchemist, The Simpsons, Family Guy, Futurama, The Green Hornet, the 60's version of Batman, Harvey Birdman: Attorney At Law, Mission: Impossible, The Rockford Files, Columbo, Remmington Steele, Car 54, Where Are You?, Golden Girls, Magnum P.I., Starsky and Hutch, Bonanza, Gunsmoke, Matlock, MacGyver, Mork and Mindy, Happy Days, Wait Til Your Father Gets Home, Fawlty Towers, The Thin Blue Line, Keeping Up Appearances, Are You Being Served?, EastEnders, The Red Green Show, Wonder Woman, Johnny Carson, House, Alcatraz, Grimm, Merlin, Breaking Bad, Modern Family,Seinfeld, Friends, The Dick Van Dyke Show, Monty Python and I absolutely love classic cartoons.

My favorite movie is a toss-up between Robin Hood: Men In Tights and Death To Smoochy. I also like The Terminator series, Die Hard series(espcially the 3rd movie), Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Star Trek, any movie with Robin Williams or Steve Martin, the classic James Bond movies, Thor, Avengers, Iron Man series, Fantastic 4 series, Spiderman series, X-Men series, theatrical Disney shorts(especially the ones with Donald Duck), 48 Hrs and Another 48 Hrs, Beverly Hills Cop trilogy(especially the third one), Silence of the Lambs, Psycho(classic one), Superman series, Batman series, LOTR trilogy, Harry Potter series, The Hunt For Red October, Casablanca, Lawrence of Arabia, Patton, The Ten Commandments(what I watch every Easter), Ben-Hur, John Wayne movies, and some Disney movies. In case your wondering why I don't have chick flicks on this list, its simple: I'm like any other guy on the planet, I feel like I'm being dragged to a slow painful death when I watch one(this will be why I'm forced to turn in my feminine card at some point).

My favorite musician/band is "Weird Al" Yankovic. My other favorites are David Bowie, Led Zeppelin, Aerosmith, Megadeth, Metallica, KISS, AC/DC, Elton John, Black Sabbath, Ozzy Osbourne, Lawrence Welk, Willie Nelson, Garth Brooks, George Strait, Paul Anka, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Bing Crosby, Def Leppard, Donovan, Green Day, Guns N' Roses, Herman's Hermits, John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, The Monkees, Tchaikovsky(favorite classical music composer), Moody Blues, Queen, Nirvana, Supertramp, Michael Jackson, Weezer, YES, Pink Floyd, Neil Sedaka, Johann Strauss Jr, Beethoven, Mozart, Pavarotti, Henry Mancini, and Yo-Yo Ma.

My favorite DC comic hero is Batman and my favorite DC comic villain is The Joker. My favorite Marvel comic hero is a tie between Spider-Man, Thor, and Iron Man. My favorite Marvel comic villain is a tie between Loki and Magneto. When it comes to comics, I like Spider-Man, Iron Man, Thor, Fantastic Four, X-Men, Dr Strange, Batman, Superman, and Green Lantern.

I recently put a few pics of myself on Live Journal in an album(if you have a hard time accessing it, I understand. I have hard accessing it myself). If you'd like to see me, I have a Facebook account. If there's more than one Carrie Varner on Facebook, its the one from Mankato, Minnesota.

"weird al" yankovic, ac/dc, aerosmith, alice cooper, atlases, batman, beastie boys, beatles, big bopper, billy joel, black sabbath, blue oyster cult, boston celtics, britannicas, buddy holly, cats, charlie sheen, chris farley, christopher walken, coloring, computer, coolio, criminal minds, culture club, dallas, david bowie, david spade, death to smoochy, def leppard, degrassi, dictionaries, die hard trilogy, doc hammer, dolphins, donovan, dr. pepper, elo, elton john, encyclopedias, evony, family guy, fantastic four, france, full metal alchemist, george harrison, green day, green lantern, harry potter, harvey birdman, helmet, herman's hermits, huckleberry hound, hulk hogan, indiana jones, inuyasha, jackson publick, james urbaniak, jimi hendrix, john cleese, john lennon, jonny quest, journey, judas priest, kevin pollack, kevin spacey, kiss, latch hook, led zeppelin, lisa hammer, listen to music, loki, looney tunes, lou christie, mark morrison, mark twain, meat loaf, megadeth, merrie melodies, metallica, michael douglas, michael jackson, michael sinterniklaas, mobsters, monet, monkees, monty python, mysteries, ncis, needlepoint, neil patrick harris, neil sedaka, new york city, new york yankees, nirvana, offspring, ozzy osbourne, patrick stewart, patrick warburton, paul mccartney, phil hartman, phone books, pink floyd, pink panther, queen, read, rick astley, rick james, robin hood:mit, robin williams, russia, saturday night live, scooby-doo, simon and garfunkel, simpsons, sir mix-a-lot, snoop doggy dogg, soundgarden, spider man, st. louis cardinals, star trek, star wars, steely dan, stephen king, steve martin, styx, technotronic, tennessee titans, terminator trilogy, the buckinghams, the flintstones, the green hornet, the hollies, the jetsons, the turtles, the vogues, theatre, tom and jerry, tom hiddleston, tom petty, traveling, tv, venture brothers, walk, weezer, writing, x-men, yes